Monday, December 26, 2005

Movie Review - PRIMER


So what will happen if I cup my hands and pour the hyper asimotrpoic freon into the chargeless high powered diffusometer while chanting Gayathri Jabam in Swahili?


Well yes.. one indie movie (people never fail to point out that the movie was shot with a budget of 7000 USD) about a couple of under achievers making a breakthrough scientific discovery and struggling to handle and use their discovery. The idea was very innovative but the movie has been made senseless because of a few glaring problems.

1. Loads of tech speak that hrows you off.
2. Loads of shared memories to signify the friendship between the characters, most of the dialogues are supposed to be tacit.

I watched the movie only once and I am yet to get the movie completely. I will tell you what I think about this... but this is mainly for my pleasure and not for yours. There will be spoilers from now onwards.

1. What was the old guy doing in the car and why did he go in Coma ?
2. Did one of the guys travel back in time and that "version" travel once again formward in time with the old man?"
3. Did the old man find out about the guys and travel in time all alone and was so confused that he could not take it?
4. So is it possible that at any point of time there are 3 versions of the same guy trying to avoid each other to have space-time continuum especially of there are 2 time machines?
5. So how DO cell phones work in space time?


While this movie cannot be considered the best this year.. or the best of this kind ever or any of the other 'bests' this is still worth a watch.. or two... if you are really intrigued. I would recommend this for a lay afternoon just before you take the siesta.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Company jaunt... ramblings of two OOW idiots....

DM Dei where r u da?
DM Me am jus about to lunch...got calls in the afternoon
HS dei in bombay
HS enjamaai pannu lunch laam sapadra ?
DM Hows the place?
HS the toilets are cleaner... much cleaner :-)
DM than the company toilets here?
HS yes
DM or are u talking of the public tilets?
DM when are u back?
HS Sat morning
HS noda company toilets.. cubicles are slightly more cramped than the 5th floor namma area.
DM wot? i dint understand the cubicle part?
DM how does crampiness make the toilet beter
HS yes da.. cubicle part is separate.. first toilet.. commentary. and then the second comment was on cubicle space
DM is it bigger in bombay?
HS cubicles are more cramped in Bombay. somehow the 5th floor there had more space
DM are u talking of the toilet cubicles or the work cubicles?
HS dei yenda ipdi irukka ? :p... i am going to post this conversation on the web... lol.. work space not as big as 5th floor.. toilets cleaner and less smelly.
DM lol

Internet jaunt... a general review on Yahoo Chat.

My recents internet jaunts took me to a few old websites that I had association with a few years back. There were these yahoo chat rooms that I used to visit to talk to guys and girls living their own fantasies on the net. There were people who used to think they were the Jim Morrisons of the chat world... people who chased their muses all day long.

I stayed one entire day in the chat rooms. What I had noticed since the last time i visited one of those chat rooms was that... the number of India chatrooms has significantly gone down. At any time of the day, yahoo would be having around 30 public chatrooms for the Chennai region alone. Presently the average at any time has come down to around 10. This could be directly correlated to the number of people getting F1/H1 visas in the USA. At the peak of the joblessness in North America, the number of chatrooms used to peak at around 55 during the late nights.

The other significant change was the number of spammers on chat. On average in any chat room which had about 40 participants, the number of spammers tended to be 3 - 5. Currently the number of spammers are so large that I would have had to ignore about half the room before i can understand the gist of the conversation that is going on. What has not changed though is the kind of talk that goes on in these chat rooms. Here is one such sample.

vijay143foryou : Hi everyone. Vijay 21 m from Chennai.
net_dude143 : Hi vijay. how are you?
vijay143foryou : fine dude....

(some time passes)
vijay143foryou : kinda slow isnt it ?
net_dude143 : yes it is.

(some time passes)
vijay143foryou : So where you are from ?
net_dude143 : Chennai.
vijay143foryou : me too.

(some time passes)
vijay143foryou : kinda slow in chennai.
net_dude143 : yes it is.

(some time passes)
enters the room>
kar_love4ever : Hi everyone !!!
vijay143foryou : Hi Kar
net_dude143 : Hi K
kar_love4ever : Hi Vijay and dude.
kar_love4ever : How is everything ?
vijay143foryou : Fine Kar
net_dude143 : fine...

(some time passes)
kar_love4ever : kinda slow isnt it ?
net_dude143 : yes it is.
vijay143foryou : yes... pretty quiet.

(some time passes)
kar_love4ever : Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii kitty !!!!!!
net_dude143 : hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii gal
vijay143foryou : hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii kitty gal
kar_love4ever : Hi kitty
vijay143foryou : kitty kitty kitty
net_dude143 : hi galllllllll !!!!

(this goes on for a long time.... until finally... )
kar_love4ever : kitty gal is a guy
vijay143foryou : yes she is
net_dude143 : she is a guy

(some time passes)
kar_love4ever : Hi guys i have to leave.. catch you later
vijay143foryou : Ok then will see you later.
net_dude143 : great talkign to you. bye.
vijay143foryou : bye all !!!


And so the talk goes on.. hour after hour of endless riveting stuff... the talk ranges from the maximum number of vowels allowed in the greeting 'Hi' to how quiet each of the rooms sound. There are endless variations to the compositions of a room.. sometimes it even takes 4 guys to decide on whether 'kitty gal' is a guy or not.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Marana Guhai - Movie Review.

Gemini..... you gonna die....

I had the opportunity to watch the excellent movie called Marana Guhai in little Anand Theatre. The movie answered the primordial existential question that had been nagging me for about 27 years. What would happen if a group of cave scientists enter an underground waterfilled cave that has not been opened for 90 years, which is located under a 12th century Gothic Church? If you are a masochist like me, you can spend 90 minutes finding the answer for it.

"Marana Guhai" is a supremely edited and meticulously constructed story about 7 - 8 guys and one really hot scientist(yes... the one in the picture)... trying to escape several parasitic creatures that seem to be alternatively attacking and laughing at the group for being so so completely jobless to think about finding out what could be under an otherwise desolate cave. I mean what were they thinking when 8 guys got together to 'chart' a piece of wasteland? Why dont we ever read about such things in places other than the "Weekend World News" ?

The only interesting thing about the movie was that I had the chance to brush up on my Thamizh with some truly great words that can be used as choice abuses at the unkowing. Do you think you would be able to call someone a 'Surappi' or a 'kandi' without having the person think you have likened him to a paricularly offensive body part ?

The other salient point of the movie was one of the chief scientists telling others
"Guhayay Madhiyungal"...
which roughly translates to paying obeisance to the cave. I started wondering if he was talking about Lord Shiva in Amarnath. I later read that the line was "Respect the cave" in the english version of the movie. This line had me in splits and probably is the worst oneliner in the history of Hollywood. I will look forward to seeing this movie in this year's Razzies.

Other great thamizh words used in this movie.... I must congratulate the guys who did the translation :-). They must be outof work zoology graduates.... :).
Pulluruvi - Parasite?
Seevippana - Creature!!
Surappi - Gland:)
Kandi - Slate... hahahahaha

Friday, September 16, 2005

Swades - Thus Spake Bhudda Bhargav




Caveat:

I did not like this movie. And if you want the more regular Swades review.. read the ohter one i wrote on Desam. That is more tongue sweetening, eye pleasing and in general as far from teh truth as possible. This review was removed once because some comments were unpallatable.

Personal experience
T’was the saturday night after a really grueling gaming session. Being software engineers, anything that involves the spending of more than 25 calories like moving the mouse and continuously tapping on the left click button tired all of us out. So we needed some fresh air and opted for the Sathyam theatre for our ’outing’. Wonder of wonders there were tickets available for a 10 o clock show at 9 p.m (Madras guys have bad taste... they usually think it is very appropriate to take their gfs out on a saturday night to a Hindi picture). So much so that even movies like MEA which outlived its watchability some 35 years back run for packed houses here.

Honest Opinion... the cons basically.
Movie length - Basically you could write or read through the entire Suitable boy during the course of the movie. The story did not warrant that length and to think all that hapenned was only during 5 weeks is terrible. Movies that usually span 3 or 4 hours have enough material to cover a few generations of protagonists... probably I might have killed 3 generations of flies during the course of the movie... coming to think of it.. that is more intersting. Should add that as my new passion... tracing the family tree of the flies I kill.

Mohan Bhuddha -
His eyes swell with tears when he sees a kid selling water. His eyes swell with tears when a poor guy laments about how poor he is. His eyes swell with tears when another guy is not able to send his kids to school because of caste problems. Could he have torn the train down or bored us more with his one man histrionics like in Ashoka? Why do people praise his underplayed role? Why should he even bother to overact when AG is already trying his best to repeat our 3rd standard moral science lesson? Thank you Mrs Nithyashree... you made moral science 2.5 hours shorter and much much more fun. Atleast the characters were animals... like the crow and the jackal... it appealed to us children.

The ’message’

Was there a message in the movie ? My left fingernail can give you a better message (’Scratch Ouch Scratch... yes the itch is now gone’). What is a message? A message is delivered when you highlight a social problem and provide a plausible solution to it. The problem is not highlighted properly. It is presented only through the eyes of the Bhuddha... does he even try to understand why people have been doing it for those many years? No... He just asserts his fat american posterior on the village and says this is wrong... this is right.. oh dude !!! why are you so backward.. study... learn some mathematics.. you can sell this pot for 100 Rs in the market. Uh hullo !!! would he drive his caravan over to the city everyday to sell those pots? A PM from NASA.. doesnt he understand the wholeseller-retailer concept? gentlemen.. please tell me.. what is more expensive... mud and a wheel or a broken down tempo and diesel? Thank you.

The other cast
They are not funny. They are not too boring. They are ok. I wish ourman had paid a little more attention to the make-up of the characters. I wonder if people really starch their sarees in a village and wear 3.5 layers of make-up to hide skin blemishes. Even we dont do that in the city. Anyway not in me to comment about all that... All i want to say is that a few brillaint scenes by the sidekicks could not really lift the movie. This is not about expectations and dissapointment. Hindi movies are only so much. no1 can really raise this genre to a level of respectability... be it AG, Mani Ratnam or I dont know who else is even trying.

Final Thoughts
I wish someone from America comes here watches the Hindi movies and decides to do something about it like Bhuddha Bhargav does. Will that happen ? ;). Lol. fat chance... or so the bhuddha would say.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Stuck on You - Movie Review

They got Reebok to stitch those special jackets different colours..

I don’t have much to say about this movie either other than the fact that the F-Farrelly brothers who made most of the other movies that you have seen that featured mentally or physically challenged people have thought of one other handicap seldom seen in any other movie. They seem to have run out of handicaps… they have used retarded people, fat people, schizophrenics and in this movie... something unique… “Siamese twins”.

In this movie Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear play the twins who have an amazing camaraderie between themselves… both physically and mentally inseparable. Personal politics, career aspirations and surroundings change their stable equilibrium and how all o f it is prioritized is the movie.

I wouldn’t say the movie is very engaging but is definitely watch-able. Some poignant observations…
  • The person with the impediment almost always is upbeat.
  • The character never makes you pity him.
  • The humour is mostly directed at people who make fun of the person with the impediment.
  • The presentation of the handicap is almost always pleasant.
  • If one of the lead characters is non-handicapped, he almost always has some kind of society that helps people with a handicap.
While watching the movie you would think that the jokes are too lame and contrived. You also feel the script is amateurish. Matt Damon’s jokes are too clichéd and downright dumb. I don’t know if they were meant that way… so you tend to get the feeling that either the movie is too intelligent for you or it is just an idiotic and slip-shod effort to make a movie that focuses on the handicapped.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Super Troopers - Movie Review

The Broken Lizard. Thier chemistry works well in the movie

After watching the movie, I started laughing Farva Farva Farva instead. Post comments if you enjoyed the movie as much as I did. This is perhaps one of the toughest movies to ’review’ since this movie has neither content nor jokes that have repeat value on text. Basically one of the movies that have to be seen to be enjoyed and once again to be believed. One other cult movie that appeals to College America.

This movie is about a sadly dysfunctional state trooper brigade in Vermont where nothing ever happens. The policemen are so bored that they invent dares to keep themselves occupied. They are suddenly faced with a ’downsizing problem’. All hell breaks loose.

The characterization is out of the world and either all the people in the movie have an IQ of 10, or are pretending to be retarded. Top 10 funny moments in the movie not in any order of preference.

1. The guy who says ’’these snozzberies taste like snozzberies’’ while licking glass while high on 100 dollars worth of shrooms.
2. Littering and... Littering and... Littering and... This happens after the policecar asks guys to pull over twice while the victims have not even moved.
3. Car RamRod!!!! Its even more funny when Farva writes it down.
4. Hey Mew.. (the dare is to say 10 mews to a guy who has been pulled over)
5. License and registration please... License and registration please... License and registration please
6. Shenanigans !!! (The look on Farva’s face is priceless)
7. ’’Why cant they chug ketchup instead?’’ (The dare is to see who can chug a bottle of maple syrup fastest)
8. The Vermont police who think ’’Ramathon’’ is Mexican and order a burrito from him.
9. Farva. Farva. Farva.
10. Johny Chimpo. (Afghanimation!!!!!)

If you had continued to read this review inspite of having been warned at the beginning, and if none of these lines rouse your interest and you cannot stand stand up comedians trying to be policemen... Dont watch the movie. You are too old for this movie. Otherwise watch it and laugh through the movie and forget about it after you watch it again.



Monday, July 25, 2005

ThiruvAcakam - stirring up some interest too.


The guy supposedly 'born' to perform the fusion work...

There have been many a question about the intent of Illayaraaja trying to remix the Thiruvasagam with the Budapest Symphony Orchestra. Most of the questions were directed at Illayaraja's intent, the Thiruvasagam's intent and the things he would have to compromise on to undertake this. The interview on SS music on Sunday cleared a few of those and brought up a few more.

1. The Thiruvasagam is a bunch of songs sung in praise of Lord Siva by Manikkavaasagar. The saint, one of the 63 Naayanmaars, has has a truly remarkable relationship with Lord Shiva. There were 3 other great Naayanmaars, Appar, Sundarar and Thirugnana Sambandar all of whom wrote songs in praise of Lord Shiva, songs now collectively called Devarams.

Now, the problem is that, just as there is a grammar for language, the Devarams and Thiruvasagams have been set to a tune, called 'Punns'. The Devarams are set to the Devarapunns and the Thiruvasagam to the Thiruvasagapunns. Chaste tamil scholars have voiced their displeasure at singing the songs in a different way which does not give the chanting of the hymns the desired effect. Imagine singing "Oh Holy Night" which is a revered hymn of the Christians to the tune of the Indian National Anthem. I think it would tarnish both the anthems.

2. Secondly Illayaraaja has mentioned that the intent of his making the Thiruvasagam was to generate public awareness to this great piece of poetry. This has come under a lot of flak among the learned who seem to view Illayaraaja's idea of fusing Dravidian and Western classical just in order to make it more popular, a tad arrogant. They feel, in-fact, making the 'Punns' also famous by singing the Thiruvasagam the way it is meant to be, would have created a much better effect among the people who are going to relish it and generate a lot more awareness considering the stature Illayaraja commanded.

3. The intent also seems to be a contradiction, since the people who are going listen and learn about the Thiruvasagam will not know the complete beauty of poems, without knowing the punns and the people who are going to have their curiosities piqued because of the involvement of the Budapest Orchestra are obviously going to get only that part of it without understanding the story behind the poems.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Ah Aaah - Music Album review



This is Ah Aaah.. a remarkably unworthy album to review.. not as much for its lack of interesting originality as for its complete lack of aesthetic appeal. I know it is too much to expect a Meenakshi or a Boys everytime in terms of freshness and surprise factor, but AH AAAH is downright pathetic.

A quick overview of the songs.
Anbe Aaruyire -
The lyrics sound like S.J. Surya's is trying to pleasure the nether regions of all Tamilians. The beats are totally ordinary and jarring. The only saving grace is the voice of A.R. Rahman which makes it atleast a tad worth listenable. I only wish he was more powerful instead of singing in the usual nasal voice.

Mayilirage
Naresh Iyer sounds like Tippu and Madhushree sounds like a North Indian abducted by LTTE and having a severe bout of STOCKHOLM syndrome. Why? Arent there enough Tamil singers who can sing Tamil songs ? Why write Tamil in Hindi and try to pronounce it? Do you love Tamil so much Madhushree/Sadhna Sargam....???

Varugiraai
I have no interest in this song apart from a vague Enigma sounding beat at the beginning that made me listen to the track a couple of times. It is decently rendered with a lot of importance given to the voices of both Hariharan and Chitra, without trying to drown them in a bass drone. I am looking forward to the picturization of this song. It seemed promising in the trailers.

Thigu Thigu
Sadhna Sargam having sex with Thamizh again without its consent. It will be the song where the heroine gets completely drenched in the rain showing a lot of thigh and cleavage and with fire in the BG. One more ordinary song from the kitchens of ARR.

Thazhuvividu
Balasubramanian song has a very interesting start but tapers off after that. It does not incite even the least amount of interest in you apart from that still amazingly young voice.

Maramkothiye
As if Mayilirage was not enough we have another song with the same forgettable tune sung this time by four people. Shankar Mahadevan's voice sounds so distorted that you wont identify it if it were not for the casette cover. Blaazee does his usual stuff and the song drones on without a stop. There are no more songs to skip to... So you switch of the player half way through and start watching a movie on Star Movies.

As usual, sample upon sample upon sample without any instruments assault you in this album. Usually at one point of listening to ARR's music, you want to listen a few 'natural' sounding sounds.. something that you have already heard before, and some instrument being played melodiously... like the guitar, or the flute in Thee Thee.... In this album, you actually start yearning for the tabla or the violin... or the flute... for simplicity far more earlier than the any other ARR album. The album is one more of the run of the mill productions by ARR. Buy it for completion's sake, and not out of interest or for aesthetic satisfaction.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Anniyan - Follow up

Chennai City Anniyan grossed 1 crore in the first week alone
Sathyam Cinemas alone contributed 27 laks for the first 2 weeks.
(Does this include the "theatre sponsored black tickets" called VIP shows that were held as early as 7.30 a.m.)

Other Areas
Coimbatore City : 41 laks
Salem : 71 laks (10 prints)
Andhra : 1.27 crores
Kerala : 60 laks
Karnataka : 50 laks
Tamilnadu (overall) : 10.2 crores

So Anniyan has done business (gross) worth 13 crores in the first week alone. Probably the costliest movie ever produced in Tamilnadu warrants the biggest returns, but is the movie worth it? As someone said there are so many people who want to visit the world in 40 Rs...

Having a very conservative estimate about the movie tickets, (say around 40 Rs), (The average price of a ticket would be around 20 - 30 in the B and C centres and 60 in the A centres), this means that around 25 lak Tamilians would have watched the movie in the first 2 weeks alone, which is incredulous. (I am safely assuming that no1 would want to watch the same movie twice within 2 weeks).

The population of Tamilnadu is around 6211000 which means that one person in 20 tamilians has watched the movie withing the first week of release !!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Anniyan - Movie review


Rules Ramanujam - Steer clear of him


Shankar does it again !!!! ... Well ofcourse he has!!!!

"Well you go to America and you see everything is clean and orderly. But it is not that way in India... Why?... That is what is Anniyan".
- Shankar in his inimitable style.

That caveat should have been enough to dissuade me from watching the movie... Anniyan is pretty much like these software versions, Shankar has just given the same application in a different wrapper and more colourful pull down menus. The movie absolutely has nothing new to offer, either in terms of ideas, presentation, music or acting.

A young boy loses his friend to abject corruption in the education department and starts out a crusade to rob the venal in the country. (Pluses - Innovative, excellent acting, Good music)

An elderly guy loses his daughter to corrupt practices and starts out a crusade to kill the venal in the country. (Pluses - Acting, Humour, Music,Technique)

A young guy on watching those 2 movies (and probably Fightclub and Se7ev also.. while reading Sybil in the bathroom) feels that he is unable to meet that mark feels repressed and starts exhibiting multiple personalities that give him superhuman strength, chamaleonic hair (hair changes texture with personality), weird accents, twitchy eyeballs and irritating background music and guess what ? Starts out on a crusade to kill the venal and the lazy in the country. He succeeds to the extent that 100 people do not cross the yellow line in the middle of the road and one person starts paying the proper taxes while buying property.

All said, the movie still had a few pluses... but the minuses far outnumbered the pluses.

The pluses
  • Atleast the characters perform the Brahmin characters well without messing the accents or the intonations.
  • Vivek is the only respite in an otherwise boring movie. The movie can be watched only for him and no-one else.
  • Vikram has perfected the "Srichurnam" pose in the first few scenes.
The minuses
  • Vikram's expressions for Ramanujam were very similar to those in Kaasi... especially when he is professing his love to the parents of the girl before asking the girl.
  • Nasser brings "Sybil" to the courtroom to prove the case of multiple personality disorder.
  • Prakash Raj and Nasser being given the roles played by Vikram Dharma and S.Ve Shekar's dad in most tamil movies.
  • The MO of Prakash Raj and Vivek feigning local characters to 'gather intelligence' was probably copied from the tactics FBI/CIA being used to nab Osama.... totally ineffective.
  • Sada's navel definitely could not act.
  • Sujatha once again irritates us with his long lists replete with Scientology terms. The dilogues lacked punch and conviction.
  • The flaws due to Shankar's inability to understand multiple personality syndrome. (Each character cannot predict what the other can do, and when the other comes out, Characters cannot change in midsentence, Physical characteristics like hair and nails dont change with character)
  • Painting 3-4 kms of a road in flowers and animals for a song not worthy of even being listened to for the second time.
  • Painting an entire town in gaudy colours for an equally gaudy song.
  • Creating caricatures instead of characters for the 3 personalities exhibited.
  • Using 120 cameras to film someone falling from the first floor.
To sum up, you exit the theatre thinkign probably someone need not have spent 26 crores on something that he had already done twice before.

Probably it is time we ask a question to Shankar..

"Well you watch movies from other directors in India and abroad... they try to think up different stories and movies. But why is it not that with Shankar? Is Shankar capable of only s much?"

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Shwaas - A movie review







A breath of fresh life...
A touching tribute to love...
A must - watch...

What masochists !!!... Avoid the movie !!!

Would you want to watch a movie about an old man... whose grandson has a very rare form of retinal cancer and for whom an operation HAS to be done to save his life and yet the boy would lose eyesight. Would you want to watch a tottering grandfather trying to come to terms with this terrible tragedy and at the same time console his grandson? Why would anyone want to watch such a movie that makes you so depressed that you start thinking that "what the hell/ it is just eyesight that the guy loses... good well atleast he wont be able to watch such maudlin movies".... I knew i cannot watch this movie.. I just watched the first few and the last few minutes and ended up with a lump the size of a cricket ball in my throat. (sorry).

The movie reminds you of Turner and Hooch... and the hate you felt for the director.. for creating such a huge, slobbering, messy, dog, make you fall in love with it... and to kill it at the end? How heartless can the director be?

Friday, June 17, 2005

Alexander - movie review




There are many people who get their tongues pasted to Oliver Stones posterior... including Roger Ebert have surprisingly not praised this movie sky high. I think that is mainly because they feel that the director was confused as to whether to present this movie as an analysis of Alexander’s character or should more importance be given to the CGI effects and the war sequences which are obviously what sells the movie to gullible peopel who dont know how easy it is to clone ants on adobe premier. The result is a half baked movie that is neither a war movie like ’Gladiator’ nor a subtle masterpiece like Martin Scorcese’s ’Last Temptation of Christ’ .

The director in his urgency to raise controversy and raise a stink among ’’People who support the Green Peace Party and think Alexander is straight club’’... has failed in storytelling and character building.

Also, the entire life of Alexander could not possibly be portrayed in 120 minutes AND do justice to every aspect of life. You tend to get the feeling that OS has bitten off a piece that is bigger than his feet...


OS alwyas has this liking to take up some famous characters/event and give it his own spin as he did with The Doors when he suggested JM did NOT a few ribs removed to facilitate yoga.

While reviewing this movie, I would like to draw parallels with one of Kubricks’s masterpieces called ’’Full Metal Jacket’’ and a Martin Scorcese movie called ’’The last temptation of Christ’’. FMJ follows a company of soldiers through the Vietnam War. This movie is not know for its war sequences as much as it is for its character building and story telling. Some of the characters have attained legend proportions... comparable to that of the real Alexander.Full Metal Jacket, was something like a ’mind fucker’... makes you wonder and reconsider... it plays with an American’s perception of THE WAR... and The Last Temptation of Christ... attaches ’whys and hows’ to the life and death of Jesus Christ... the ’’LORD GOD SAVIOUR’’... the person whose intent if doubted could amount to blasphemy.

In Alexander, to stir up a similar conspiracy, Oliver Stone tries to question.. very suavely,
1. The cause of the murder of Alexander’s father - Mother or Darius?
Many such questions are left unanswered because most of the characters in this movie are ill-defined... ’’almost human’’.. Olympia is shown as clever manipulatitive and hates King Tut with all her heart.. but while Val Kilmer is being shot dead, is it pleasant surprise or happy satisfaction that is seen on her face?

Also, for example, Alexander at time is very unreasonable and at times is the voice of reason. He will willingly do something as foolish as invade India with a tired army and YET cry over the destroyed library in Babylon understanding what it means to the world. He also is not able to decide between purple and green grapes in one sequence.

2. Alexander’s sexual proclivity. - he could be bi-sexual?
There is generally a theory (among behaviour analysts) that guys who grow up with a very strong female presence at home have weirder sexual behaviour (Homos are weird).

Here I think that point is overstressed. The character of Olympia is unnecessarily oversexed in terms of her dialogues and casting, and his loss of interest with Rosario Dawson is too ’’obvious’’... His interest in eunuchs shown in the referred sequences... (Both Rosario Dawson and the Babylonian eunuch perform the seemingly harmless duty of switching off the light before Alexander sleeps... ). You tend to think OS doesnt have the balls to outright say something but is being ’pseudo suave’ while addressing this issue.

3. Why Alexander did what he did - Influenced by a nagging mother?
I have to question the casting of Jolie as his mother. Oliver Stone obviously has other intentions than just the mother son relationship... Alexander’s strongest influence in his childhood turns out to be his mother and she drives him to insanity and excellence. She is also shown to be advicing him to return home before India... wonder why that happens if she had so strongly wanted him to conquer the entire world.

Apart from the above mentioned points, I think the movie is very watchable after retirement. There are some brilliant CGI war effects, lots of bloody visceral flying about and the war with Porus would appeal to you under psychedlic drugs. So if you are going to expect a very normal Hollywood movie, then I dont think you would be dissapointed.

But being an Oliver Stone fan, I was highly dissapointed that he could not raise the interest factor by trying to relate Alexander’s life and death to something that is relevant to the world NOW. If all I wanted was to know was when and where Alexander fought whom and what strategy he followed and what became of him finally, I would much rather read a short article on Alexander on the net. The entertainment value is very high in this movie, but it lacks intellectual appeal. So delete the Oliver Stone aura and watch the movie as you would watch a Vin Diesel movie. I am sure you would like it. I watched the movie in Thamizh because I find English hard to understand and this is what I thought of that flavour.

Why you should watch this movie ONLY in English ?
There are some movies that you can watch, which dont make a big difference if you do so in Thamizh or English. In fact I prefer Thamizh because in English the dialogues are extremely predictable but the Thamizh version keeps you interested...be it Charlie’s Angels calling each other ’va dee’, ’po dee’ or the Caucasian character in ’’Rakshasa Paambugal - Ratha Manjariyin Vetai’’ (Anacondas 2 - The hunt for the Blood Orchid) singing ’’Appadi Podu Podu Podu’’ while steering the boat through the Amazonian Jungle...

Oliver Stone has a very interesting way of presenting things. He firmly believes in the human male’s vulberability during and after the event of sex. That is when the human male is ’himself’ and exposes his ’’OUTSIDE’’ and ’’INSIDE’’ self in its entirity.

It also happens that the censor board in ThamizhNadu has strong objections to showing shots of thin women or men with little or no clothes on... so I would say the soul of the movie... the few minutes after Alexander makes love to Rosario Dawson.. the few moments when he IS being HIMSELF and pours his heart out... has been deprived to the audience. So dont watch this movie in Thamizh or any other native language where the censor board is from the 18nth century... I think you would lose the essence of the movie.

And kids and teenagers.. this movie is not for you anyway... lest you mount a horse and start decapitating people on Grant Road... WESTERN MEDIA DOWN DOWN.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Boondock Saints - Movie review



The movie features two Irish guys with very strong Catholic upbringing. They feel irked that there is so much evil in this world and YET there is nothing that is being done about it. They feel there is no greater evil than the indifference of the good to the evil.

There is no great story in this movie. It is about two guys getting pissed off with the mob and going around Boston killing people from the RRRRsussian and Italiaan mob and earning major league brownie points from the police while doing so. This movie is phenomenal because this is the first movie that brought into the open, a homophobic homosexual. To me the best character in this movie is Willem DeFoe who plays the cop who is a homosexual. And yet he goes about places calling people a fag when they exhibit the clichéd homosexual tendencies... (ie) in most Hollywood movies, you would see the fag expressing feminine characteristics that would irritate normal men.

The 2 lead characters because Christians tend to digest ’Righteousness’ more easily if taken in with the enzyme called ’God’ administered with the help of the most devout (i.e.) the Irish. This movie became a cult hit mainly among the college going populace in America because of the blatant violence and the extreme ’slickness’ of the movie.

The key to any movie being ’slick’ and being appreciated by the average male American college goer…

1. The guys are uncommonly intelligent but are too cool about their capabilities. They never take themselves seriously
2. Have a few scenes where common utilities could be used as deadly weapons. More mundane the utility is, more popular the movie is
3. They are initially so cool that the whole world bores them. (you know… adolescents)
4. The guys are from a usually ’tough’ ethnic group. (i.e.) the Irish, the Vikings, the Russians
5. The guys are hyper tough men who can brush themselves off and walk around after having an anvil fall on their head
6. The guys kill a kitten and never have a lady interest
7. The guys keep saying cool things all the time
8. The guys make life changing decision in a matter of nano seconds
9. They drink beer like it is water and water like it is moonshine
10. They can be shot at 2 million times but will never get hit
11. When they shoot they never miss even though they have never killed a dog with a gun before
12. When they flip out they almost always cause bloodshed
13. Most of the fight sequences have very good techno music in the background
14. The characters are ’painfully real’ (i.e.) they are diametrically opposite to the Hollywood cool guys
15. They continue to evade the police/police turn a blind eye to their doings
16. The movie has an open ending where the characters never change and don’t really win anything

Sunday, June 12, 2005

"D" the movie... not a review.

Talking about ‘touking’

Do you think there can be intelligence in depicting the dumb ? Do you think mindless violence and an idiotically violent lifestyle of gangsters could be depicted seemingly realistically and go to the extent of sometimes justifying their actions? Well yes.. “Sathya” started it. “Company” redecorated it. “D” when compared to those good movies, pales… in-fact is extremely anemic. It almost looks like they have milked that cash cow of Bombay mafia aura to death with the first few gangster movies and run completely out of ideas with this one.

The makers could do nothing interesting with that subject anymore and so, revert those characters back into the normal Hindi movie clichés shown in earthen colors (which they presume makes the movie ‘slick’). Hence you endure dumbed down gangsters, paan-mouthing the gangsta lingua franca, talking about “Touking” someone all the time… and whats with the jewels? Do gangsters use jewellery for armor?

I would be greatly surprised if “D” makes it big the box office. But you can never underestimate the Bollywood market. Taran Adarsh seems to think the movie is path-breaking. There are others who seem to think the lack of lengthy dialogues like other gangster movies is simply too good. I call it lack of originality… how many more ‘touks’ can you take? Pretty idiotic movie.... you know.


Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi - Movie Review

I would say this promo picture is a brilliant satire of mainstream Hindi 'slick' cinema.


A placard is shows...

"At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom..."
The narrator reads....
"Nehru was holographically wrong. Infact the time at New York was 2.30 in the afternoon"

The movie begins with its tongue firmly implanted on its cheek. Some innovative titles and the great Shubha Mudgal moaning in the BG set the tone for the movie. You get the feeling that you are in for an good time... and you are not dissapointed.

It is not often that you come across mainstream movies set with politicals as the backdrop. BOMBAY attempted it with really shady results. BOMBAY was too 'Bollywoodized' or 'Tollywoodized' for our comfort. HKA in sharp contrast, is a very straightforward movie with no tassles and hamming. HKA to be brief, talks about the first few years of the lives of 3 friends who were groomed with conflicting ideologies. The movie spans about 6 years of their lives... their formative years.. the times when their carefully groomed ideologies are at first self-fueled and later squelched by the ground realities not totally under their control.

What was poignant in this movie was that it brought into importance the tumultous and yet undocumented (ever read about the emergency in those NCERT history textbooks?) Indian history of late 1960s and early70s. The time when the Naxalbhari movement and other similar upraisals threatened to overthrow the Congress Government in the centre. It talks about the corruption that was rampant among the policy makers and how it filtered down to the poor masses. The movie in an offhand way documents the time when the ideals of freedom were completely lost and when people began to understand that they were still slaves after 20 years of Independence.

The characterization in the movie reeked of hardwork. The most impressive among the actors was Chitrangada Singh who sports a carefully concealed sardonic smile that is always present during the first half, only to have it later smudged by the dark realities seen in the darker villagers she encounters. Vikram as the smalltown boy attempting to make it big in the capitalist city is brilliant but his role does not warrant the depth that is provided for KK Menon as the militant socialist working at the grassroots level in the Bihari villages. Like in most good movies, most of the feelings of the characters are conveyed just through the eyes and the brilliant situations and not through lengthy dialogues. The director seems to have realized the most profound emotions are felt only when there is silence. I would have now to tell you that the editing at times seems a tad amateurish, with a few scenes being strangled even before it has the effect the director intended.

That being said, the movie yet has a beatiful controlled flow to it. It starts with the violent passion and focus of youth and as the movie progresses, the fervour in the characters seems to ebb away with the changing political scenario. The frustration during the struggle to achieve once firm goals, sets into every character in slightly different ways, making them realize their lower potentials and their true priorities. This evolution of the characters that coincides with the political suppression that was happening in our country at that time makes the characters a metaphor of sorts of those times. The repressed emotions and pent up frustrations finally vent out in an really well concieved climax. It stays with you.... long after the movie ends.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Bride and Prejudice - Movie Review

That expression is supposed to signify prejudice i blve. This expression looks better.
The dumb movie with a really dumb name is replete with dumb actors who overact in their cliched roles. I am sick of these cross-over directors clicheing a cliche again. How many times have you seen a really really cheap elderly lady pimping her daughters to some India returned American engineer? How many times have we seen proud girls turning their noses up on Americans? How many times have we seen the soft looking, patient, hero who is insanely in love with the proud heroine and yet does not say anything to her till the last frame? How many times have you got the feeling that you want to cut up all the characters in the movie with a blunt blade that has been used to shave a pig?

I will not wait like that guy did. So... I take great pleasure in announcing that Gurinder Chaddha has the mental capabilities of that pig's face wart. Aishwarya Rai can die...but she would still ham her way into heaven. The guy whatever his name who was shocked to death in The Ring... would wish his face would go the same way if at all he watched this badly made movie. Jane Austen would return from the dead and strangle Chaddha with a garotte... surely.

Lalitha (Aishwarya) is supposed to be PREJUDICED... she looks so dumb that I am sure that her character does not even understand the meaning of the word. Her preconcieved notions about the guy are shown in the first few minutes. After that we have to endure 200 more minutes of "all knowing proud glances" and tiffs that seem like all the lady characters are on the throes of PMS.

Darcy is supposed to be PROUD. He has absolutely no ego. It is impossible to even say he has pride. And how can ANY character signify Pride when you have Rai who is the postergirl for pride at the other end? Why does she have to have that most affected expression in every movie?

What has GC tried here? If she has tried to irritate us to death she has suceeded completely. What makes the movie terrible was the fact that it did pretty well in the theatres. I think there should have been criminal punishment for those who watched this movie in the theatres. Thats all I have to say about it.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

House of the flying daggers - Movie Review


Zhang Ziyi looking psychedelic in pink in pink in pink in pink in pink in pink.....

If you want to watch a Bollywood movie with better visuals, even more spectacular stunts, extremely cheap sentiments and an equally bad storyline, you could watch the House of the Flying Dagggers. Since I want to cut out euphemisms, it is only possible either to praise or pick at this movie. I dont want to pick on this movie... it shows genuine effort and after being cheated by Mumbai Express, any movie that shows atleast a decent bit of effort seems like it is worthy of praise. (Even AYYA).

Well... really you wont have to look very hard to praise this movie. The director Zhang Yimou has made the camera the most explosive element in an action movie. Colours assault you in this movie. Every frame has all the colours of the VIBGYOR. It looks as though the entire movie was shot as a cartoon and somehow the human characters were included. If the surrounding scenery is a forest.. you see yellow leaves...(lime yellow... not the brownish yellow that you would associate with the fall leaves), blue sky (you could almost pick it of the 'azure' pallete in Nerolac Paints brochure), green leaves (seriously.. the leaves are THIS green). You feel like you were slapped HARD in the face... you see so many colours. Psychedelic is an understatement when it comes to describing the cinematography.

The action effects were also beautifully choregraphed. In one sequence we see two characters running through a bamboo forest, (can you even imagine a Chinese movie without a bamboo forest fight sequence now) you are astounded to find later in the special features on the DVD, that everything including the bamboo poles used as weapons were entirely digitally created. The actors just have to swing empty hands and run along a pre determined path.

The fight sequences are also equally vibrant. The movie is replete with fast panning close up shots of intelligent daggers slicing and weaving through the air following a torturous path to unerringly strike their target, and shirt sleeves and cloth strips that seem to have the ability to strike, grab, twist around anything at the flick of the owners wrist. It is like the cloth pieces have a life of its own.

Coming back to the story and the movie... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... .......... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... ..........

"Thats all I have to say about that".
Watch the movie.... its a trippy experience.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Mumbai Express - Movie Review


You were missed... Kamal is NOTHING without you.
If you respect yourself... dont watch this movie.
Kamal has his set of loyal fans from the educated class who seem to think that his movies always have something for them. These people would feel cheated and insulted on watching Mumbai Express. Kamal seems to have thought.. "Idhu Porum da Ungalukku..."(Losers... this is enough for you) when he made Mumbai Express. Infact the fans would feel a formless hatred and anger after watching this terribly scripted, badly directed, under funded movie. The movie reeks of apathy.

Kamal as usual had given lofty interviews where he called Mumbai Express a dark comedy and had bragged that even though none of the characters are funny, the situations they are in make the movie funny. Let me tell you one thing. The only dark thing would be your mood which would make you want to forget the minuscule amount of comedy in the movie because you feel bilked of your time and money.

Kamal shows you his lack of a decent sense of humour. Makes you wonder if all the jokes in of Vasool Raja, 5tantram, PKS were solely from the kitchens of Crazy Mohan. Mohan truly is a genius when it comes to writing humour. Kamal is not. Infact Kamal I feel is a depressed cynic and a self-percieved under-achiever(shows in his interviews). The fact that he has publicly humiliated himself by making such a movie does not help him in anyway.

The rest of the factors.. music (Illayaraaja I think has become deaf... and no that does not make him Bach), cinematography (the movie was shot in a digital format... I wish there had been a 'dumb content filter'... I would filter out the entire movie) are more reasons to avoid this movie.. . if you have not already decided to not go anywhere near the theatre that is playing this movie.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Chandramukhi - Movie Review


Kalakalakalakalakalakalakalaka
Paisa vasool !!!.. is what you would think coming out of the theatre... the exit poll would obviously be.. "Paravaala saar, Arimaya irundhichu, oru dhaba paakalam". This movie is a an Rajni-optimized remake of a Malayalam movie starring Shobhana that won her a national award. This movie though is completely thalaivar-centric which is understandable... and welcome.

Also the movie has a very decent script (obviously the good sequences from the original script were maintained) and is unlike other Pervert Vasu movies. It comes as a relief that there are no scenes like the pukable ones in Chinna Thambi and Walter Vetrivel.

Rajni looks 10 years younger than he looked in Baba. He has also cut short his excessive political references and concentrates on his strengths... comedy and dialogue delivery. Talkng about Rajni and politics... I think this is testing the limits of patience... dont you think ?

The rumours that Jyothika replaced Simran as Prabhu's wife because Simran did not go well with a few explicit scenes are unfounded. Infact the only actual sex in the movie is during the dialogues replete with double entende' that Rajini has with Swarna whom he calls his 'sister'!!!(These scenes have P Vasu wriiten all over it). Jyothika is pretty good and impresses us with her two styles of dancing Bharathanatyam. 9Thara looks her name. I dont know how she makes it big. I believe she is going to act in Telugu movies too. Thank you :).

The rest of the cast "is there"... and thats that. The evil matriarch present in ALL Rajni movies these days is remarkably unaldylike.. no I mean she really looks like a man. Anyone know who she is? There could have been a discussion about split personalities... and the psychological representations... but Pervert Vasu... the director is an idiot and so we should not talk about intelligence/research in his movie.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Hotel Rwanda - movie review


The man... and da man.
Hotel Rwanda gives the opportunity of a lifetime for Don Cheadle to play Schindler to a few hundred Rwandans who are being relieved of their life at every chance the Hutus get.The death toll in the Hutu-Tutsi (during 1994) clash reached a million and some ofthem were saved at the Des Mille Collines Hotel, that is being managed (very effeciently) by Don Cheadle. He plays an amazing cool-headed character who has the ability to lie, bribe, praise, blackmail whenever he has to and uses his diplomat skills with the effeciency of a diamond cutter. He is always composed, wears a tie even while being bombed and breaks down always in private.

This movie is very unlike the other genocide (read Jew-killing) self pity trips such as The Pianist and The Schindlers List. This movie is extremely positive, does not attempt to pull at our heart strings with a few 'maudlin scenes' but has a very realistic and practical approach to the problem. We dont see cheap gimmicks like cruel Kamp Kommandants shooting their guns off their bedroom at naked people, nor do we see the single red dress moving about searching for a doll in an otherwise black and white movie. The acts of kindness (which are a plenty) and the acts of violence (which are minimal... the movie is rated PG-13) are shown in a very offhand way.

The importance is given to the strong characters and how they react to the seemingly unending violence around them. This movie made me think about what Schindler would actually think of 'Schindler's list' after watching that obscene Hollywoodization of a noble man's noble deeed. Probably explains why Hotel Rwanda did not win the best movie Oscar... but then there were no Jewish reference in a genocide movie. How can it ever be complete?

Coming back to the Paul Rusesabagina, the amount of sacrifice that that person had endured is remarkable. His selfless act was more impulsive than pre-planned like in most real-life scenarios. And Don Cheadle.... what can I say ? It seems as though has become Paul Rusesabagina. (from how this interview goes). He even mentions that the Hollywoodization has been minimal. He has recieved the award of Immortal Chaplains but turned down the civilian award from the current President Kagame.

Before Sunset - Movie Review

Before Sunrise... childish.................Nine years later... introspective
This movie joins the unique club of sequel movies that are not cartoons, sci-fi flicks, horror, thrillers or action adventures. This is the only romantic movie sequel that I know of. (Dont call Havana Nights a sequel). This movie is the continuation to Before Sunrise, a movie shot almost 9 years earlier. That movie ended on an extremely upbeat but alas... incomplete note. Before Sunrise was probably the only movie that inspite of imitating real life to the maximum extent possible, maintained originality and interest in depicting love.

The characters of Celine and Jessie (Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke) talk in real time and spans the 139 minutes before Jessie has to get onto the plane back to America. The movie is as good as any thriller because you are constantly reminded of the time ticking away and Jessie keeps on extending his stay.

They talk througout the movie and like you would expect them to do (if you have watched Before Sunrise), and never during the conversation are you bored since both the characters have palpable <........> between them and both are above intelligent with opinions about everything. The conversation ranges from their lives over the 9 years, their relationships, their career paths to the general politics, social commentary, but it constantly keeps coming back to that fateful day 8.5 years ago when they had promised to meet... and ofcourse the painful realities... both feel their lives would have been miles better if at all it had happened. Some startling revelations later and after a few brief emotional outbursts... we are provided one of the most beautifully refined endings for a movie.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Sideways - Movie Review


What is that expression? Helpless amused frustration?

This is one more of those sad and sensitive movies that claim fame because the effort that has gone into making the characters is very evident and hence instantly distances itself from the other hackneyed movies and characters. The dialogues are beautifully unique and the actors are even better. The plot is a middle aged version of the teenage sentiment of breaking free just before commitment.This movie is about 2 middle-aged guys on a bachelor party trip through the wine county in California. Miles is recently divorced (2 years back for an alcoholic is still the Day after Yesterday), and Jack is a regular guy who wants to devote his last few days of bachelorhood to debauchery. (He is really serious about having fun).

Miles automatically converts this into a journey devoted to just drinking which had been his only means of escape from his bad divorce. He pathetically steals from his own mother to sponsor the trip and they embark on their of week. The mood and their camaraderie during the first few scenes makes you think that there could be nothing worse than watching two middle aged guys having a bachelor party, but I urge you to trudge along with the movie... Sideways.

What follows is surprisingly funny and thought provoking alternatively. The character of Virgina Madsen(dont remember her screen name) adds the twist in the tale and you never cease to wonder how the powers of depression can screw your mind up at the worst moments. You never ever lose interest in the story and you really start caring for the characters... something movies rarely ever do.

The best part of the script is that you laugh when the director wants you to laugh and fret when he wants you to. Never during the movie are the emotions displaced. Inspite of the obvious ending, you switch off the TV after the movie with a general.. Ok.. nice movie.. Enjoyed it feeling.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Doordarshan's SCAMmentary


don't you think we deserve better ?

DD's guide to cricket coverage Ball-by-ball.


1. The number of deliveries in an over are 5. Four regular deliveries, the last half of the first ball and first half of the last ball. It is lesser in the event of a wicket.

2. Fielders are non existent except when there is a close up shot of the bowler wearing a Pepsi/Sahara ad, adjusting the field placing . The viewer should not be shown what the field change is since it is a state secret.

3. Whenever a close up shot of a fielder is shown featuring the Pepsi/Sahara ad, his position relative to the field is never shown because it is unwanted information.

4. The commentary should be state of the ART. For example if a flag of a playing country is shown, the talker has to amiably inform us as to what country's flag that is. The viewers are also informed if there is a wind or not from whether the flag is drooping or not.

5. The direction of the wind... whether it is aiding the bowler or not is never mentioned since that might help terrorists trying to guide missiles into the ground.

6. In the event of a good shot, the ball has to be shown in close-up without showing where the ball is relative to the boundary or the nearest fielder. The boundary or the fielder appearing on the screen should come up as a surprise to the viewer and the talker(commentator).

7. When a fielder is trying to do his job, it is imperetive that he flashes the logo on his shirt. If not the picture is cut to the best other shot of the logo. Usually it is that of a fielder who is biting his nails watching the ball as our talkers would amiably assure us for the nth time... "Cricket is a mind game".

8. Talkers always look at the television (not the playing field) and talk. So in the event of a skier, the camera closely follows the ball and once we see the catch being taken, we are informed that the catch has been taken (very amiably... not to forget).

9. In the event of statistical data (in english) being shown, it is the duty of the talker to read out the statistic in english so that the illiterate people who cannot read English can make sense out of it aurally.

10. If a few players refuse to show their cricket prowess, their acting skills are atleast tapped in the ads.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Napoleon Dynamite - Movie review

Pedro with the cake he 'makes' for Summer
A really nice movie.. her eis quick list of reasons for watching the movie.
1. You watched and enjoyed movies like The Big Lebowski. You think that it is one of the funniest movies ever made? You enjoyed the comedy in “Trainspotting”?
2. You like dark comedy. You like it if a clichéd storyline is presented completely honestly and devoid of “Hollywoodization”… like for example you like it if a teeny bopper movie like “10 things I hate about you” is presented minus all the jazz and the boobies and is presented through the eyes of the class nerd?
3. You have known people who use words like ‘dang’, gosh’ and ‘flipping sweet’?
4. You can imagine the life of a poor nondescript teenager who does not have any ‘skills’ and has to tackle bullies in school and irritating relatives at home all the time?
5. You like small time low budget (Indie.. Independent) movies about very normal people living their painfully normal lives?
6. You liked HOMESTAR RUNNER
7. You like watching movies and average at-least 4 – 5 a week. You would start praising ND sky high if you are all the above.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Raam the Movie


I am yet to see the movie and have been hearing quite a lot about this movie. The hard work of the director is evident from the interviews and the promos. The characterization is also brilliant from the looks of it. Some fine earthy yet unique characters in a murder mystery is bound to pique anyone.

I would like to highlight on something that not many people have questioned. I find this extremely heartwarming that in a country that has people like Bal Thackarey, such a movie with such an interesting logo and an questionable unnecessary name could do so well without being banned. When the promos came out, the shape of the logo… (a crescent and a star), the name and the saffron clad hero made people think the movie had religious connotations. This could have been the only cheap gimmick of the director of an otherwise excellent movie.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Sukran - The Movie Review

These are the most poignant scenes in the movie which I will carry till my death day which is not far off if I continue watching movies like this.
1. The hero (Ravi Krishna) somehow seems to have got his upper lip firmly stuck to his nostrils which gives him a look very much like that of an orangutan that had a paralytic attack when it was trying to imitate PV Narasimha Rao.

2.
Vijay has ’bullet proof’ IN his brain(so he does not need a jacket), can kill a yak at 200 yards... with mind bullets and knows how to make perfectly round dosas.

3.
The first think that the heroine and hero think of while being in jail after the heroine is molested thrice by three people in quick succession is to have a duet in the ice plains of Finland.

4.
The best way to stop an assassin from murdering you in your house is to lure him into your kitchen and start making an omelette. This sequence was supposed to be humourous and well... I laughed out of self pity.

5.
Murder cases that Vijay argues get solved in 45 minutes. An intimate conversation with the judge during lunch time goes many a mile in winning a favourable judgement. Infact he is so fast that he himself opens another case and tries to get the ’hanging to death completely nude in Marina beach and corpse being eaten by vultures and dogs’ punishment for the accused on the same day.

6.
The director has assumed that all his viewers have the mental capabilities of a slender-loris that was dropped on its head when it was young.

I did not see even a shred of a story. Not even the Nandanam arts college students who generally behave as though they have given their future and life to Vijay enjoyed the movie.
I think the punishment I had outlined in bold should be given to SA Chandrashekar. What do you guys say?

Monday, January 10, 2005

The Forgotten - Movie review

Telly Pareta... what a Beauty

Why do we think we are so important? Why do we think the aliens have something like a
Discovery channel with programs dedicated to ’earthlings’? Why do people think the aliens spend 2000 years studying us? Hell!!! we know everything about every known creature residing in earth already... their mating practices, their communication processes, what they have for breakfast.... EVERYTHING... and we still have movies where people are abducted by aliens. Why aren’t the aliens sick of us ? I dont know about you... but I am surely sick of watching aliens movies...


What did I think about this movie- The Forgotten? Very little.
Yes I have the afforementioned pre-concieved notions. Yes I do not like alien movies especially since the aliens are so partial to Americans... to abduct and fight with ONLY them. But I did like this movie even though I did not like the general story for these reasons.

1. Presentation was classy. There is never any HUGE build up for a scene and the thrills are presented in a very mature manner.

2. The movie does not have too many cliches even though alien abductions and memory problems are the MOST cliched incidents in Hollywood cinema.

3. Juliane Moore.. aged but still really pretty. Telly Paretta.

4. Mallika Sherawat. The BIGGEST downside to this is that after all the nice presentation, is that the ending seems very contrived.