Monday, April 11, 2005

Doordarshan's SCAMmentary


don't you think we deserve better ?

DD's guide to cricket coverage Ball-by-ball.


1. The number of deliveries in an over are 5. Four regular deliveries, the last half of the first ball and first half of the last ball. It is lesser in the event of a wicket.

2. Fielders are non existent except when there is a close up shot of the bowler wearing a Pepsi/Sahara ad, adjusting the field placing . The viewer should not be shown what the field change is since it is a state secret.

3. Whenever a close up shot of a fielder is shown featuring the Pepsi/Sahara ad, his position relative to the field is never shown because it is unwanted information.

4. The commentary should be state of the ART. For example if a flag of a playing country is shown, the talker has to amiably inform us as to what country's flag that is. The viewers are also informed if there is a wind or not from whether the flag is drooping or not.

5. The direction of the wind... whether it is aiding the bowler or not is never mentioned since that might help terrorists trying to guide missiles into the ground.

6. In the event of a good shot, the ball has to be shown in close-up without showing where the ball is relative to the boundary or the nearest fielder. The boundary or the fielder appearing on the screen should come up as a surprise to the viewer and the talker(commentator).

7. When a fielder is trying to do his job, it is imperetive that he flashes the logo on his shirt. If not the picture is cut to the best other shot of the logo. Usually it is that of a fielder who is biting his nails watching the ball as our talkers would amiably assure us for the nth time... "Cricket is a mind game".

8. Talkers always look at the television (not the playing field) and talk. So in the event of a skier, the camera closely follows the ball and once we see the catch being taken, we are informed that the catch has been taken (very amiably... not to forget).

9. In the event of statistical data (in english) being shown, it is the duty of the talker to read out the statistic in english so that the illiterate people who cannot read English can make sense out of it aurally.

10. If a few players refuse to show their cricket prowess, their acting skills are atleast tapped in the ads.

1 comment:

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