Friday, December 29, 2006

Movie Review - Veyil or Veyyil

Veyyil, is a commendable effort... reviewers never fail to point out that this effort is from Shankar's S Pictures. And as usual, it has a nice story... and set in interesting locations. The places the movie is based reminds you of the old Bharathiraaja movies... based in villages that have not been 'facelifted'. You know.. the kind of locales that people immedietely label as 'gritty' in their reviews.

Characters are well made. Simple and realistic. Pasupathy stands out. His mannerisms and voice intonation... when he re-introduces himself to his brother... or when he claims innocence of pilfering... pretty close to what I percieve as realistic.

Bharath looks very comfortable in his role as the younger brother. His scenes with Bhavana are straight out of Kaadhal... violent guy, timid girl. His scenes with Pasupathy where he exhibits a sort of repentent love because of the guilt he had felt as a kid... are interesting. The macho scenes that are mandatory to maintain his status as "Chinna Thalabadhi" fall flat. He needs to put on atleast 1 more stone.

Bhavana I think has used up all the 'make up saamaan' that had been bought for the movie. Shriya plays a character who works in a matchbox factory and lives in a shanty. Yet she finds the money to tweeze her eyebrows once a week. In the movie, they are almost as carefully shaped as Vijayakanth's in Chinna Gounder. (Have you seen them? They are a work of art...)

Its been almost 3 months since I watched a Thamizh movie in teh theatre.. teh last one being Perarasu. This movie, I watched because I had nothing else to do was worth the wait. Inspite of a few shortcomings some of which, I obviously had blown out of proportion... the movie was eons ahead of the other tripe that came out these last three months.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Book Review - Thermopylae - Gates of Fire

I recently watched the trailer of a movie. "300". Was as impressed as any one of those average middle class suburbanite slobs that I am... I went ahead and bought the book about "Thermopylae"... "Gates of Fire" by Stephen Pressfield. The book was well written and impressive enough to keep my attention for more than 4 hours. Commendable.. I usually get bored after 30 minutes of reading a book, but I finished this book.

The book is about a group of 300 elite 'Spartans'. (history and the book says these 300 were joined by more than 700 from other tribes), defending Greece from a humungous Persian army. The persian army lands at the marshes of Mallaca Gulf, and has to proceeds south. That is the only road, as there are no wide paths through the mountains. On the other side of the mountains is Greece and inbetween there are 1000 Greeks. (300 of which are Spartans, that this book tries to glorify).

Xerxes lands at point A, with maybe a million soldiers, and has to pass through road B. The Greeks who do not fear their lives are at points C, D, and E with their contingents and keep pushing the Persian invaders off the cliffs which are marked in bright pink. Well cliffs are pretty dangerous places to get pushed off and persians die like lemmings on a suicide spree. (Well that BTW is a myth.. not to be taken seriously).

So there is this greek king called Leonidas. 60 years of age, but an great leader, who first builds a wall (red bar) in front of a battle plain on a cliff, which can hold around 4000 persians at a time. He convinces the 1000 Greeks by his side, that even if each Greek kills 4 Persians, the battle can be won on a day by day basis.... Flawless logic and the Greeks implement it. once, twice, thrice... again and again and again till the Persians get really irritated. Those are the high points of the book.

The rest of the book is about how the Persian outwit them.... pretty intersting and there is a thrilling raid by a group of 10 spartans to kill Xerxues.. howver they pronounce it... but to no avail. He lives and kills every one of the spartans the very next day.

The book is being narrated by a Spartan slave, and he holds your interest in a story, whose result you arready know. Read the book. Pretty interesting. Also watch the series of "making of 300". If you enjoyed Sin City, and you enjoy war movies... i guess this will be one more treat from Frank Miller.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Game Review - NFS Carbon

NFS - Carbon (really don't know why it is called that...) is not innovative, but still manages to keep your interest if you finish the races quickly. Also... just imagine this... I am writing a review abotu a game that I played... how bored should i be to do that ? and how MORE boring must the game be for me to actually write somethign bad about it ? Right now, not even Solitaire will bore me :-). So here goes.
Team members:
It is possible for you to form your own team comprising of drafters (race with you... find the best path to race), scouts (find hidden tracks and shortcuts for you), blockers (disable other competitors for you). Also you have a fabricator whose advice you can get to soup up your car to perform well. Race map:You race in a city on the coast with both the sea and the mountains nearby. Some race tracks take you through the mountains are pretty engaging, but still others are just throught eh city... mad speed. I am playing the game with a Porsche Cayman and the souped up version reaches speeds of 180 mph. There is not to much intelligent innovation as the car handling is no different at 120 and 180. And oh !! she is part of your 'team'.

Game story is pretty simple. The city is divided into 5 areas each controlled by a gang, and eveyry gang has a beef against you because of an incident that happened a few eyars back. You return and try to regain territory. There is a subplot which is a riddle about why certain policement singled you out and let you escape and about a bag of money carried by your girl friend. Very weak to say the least.

Racing is pretty standard, there are six main kinds of races... drifts, speedtraps, circuits, laps and timed runs. Among these, speed traps are pretty interesting with your average speed going through checkpoints makes you the winner. Drifting is a bit more difficult in this game with some mountain paths letting you fall off the cliff while drifting. Thre are 'boss races' where you notch up points for following the area boss along pretty tough mountain paths.. and by keeping him behind you when you are leading. Those are some of the more interesting races in the game.
Free roam is a feature where you can try to evade cop cars and once they lose sight of you, safe houses spring up all over for you to enter. Street cred increases but there is no apparent improvement. Cars are pretty standard where you can choose between muscle, (high accel.) Tuner (high handling) and the european kind which has both in copious doses). Once you get a car that can reach 170 - 180, there is no way a cop car is goign to catch you. Cops show up more often later in thea game when you already have earned better cars. So it really does not make sense then.
Well I feel OK that I am playing the game. Maybe you will too.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Movie Review - Broken Flowers

Bill Murray, veteran indoor scenery in a few Hollywood productions has expressed desire to start emoting in movies which would give him an opportunity to move his facial muscles. After accessorizing bar stools, leather couches and over-stuffed pillows in movies like Lost in Translation and especially Broken Flowers, Bill Murray (Movethat Thinghere to family) felt it was time to move on in his career.

“I have always been comfortable staring at air molecules and I now notice some of them strike my face. I think it is time for me to start reacting to those air molecules”, said Murray breaking his usual deadpan exterior by moving his lips almost one eighth of an inch. “In Broken Flowers, the leather couch I was sitting on posed a serious threat to my screen presence. That is not the Bill Murray you will be seeing now onwards”, he added emphatically.

“The inertia in Bill Murray’s performances is so high that it would take more than just one kilo Newton to lift his left eyebrow alone”, said noted physicist Alfrad Nobal. He added there was no need for studios to get alarmed as Chuck Norris is available free of charge to provide the necessary physical impetus to Murray’s jaw.

“Broken Flowers will be the last movie I will act as a middle aged loveless successful loser in search of a woman friend who will stay with me for the rest of the 3 months I will live”, Murray said before tasering himself for making such a decisive statement... bringing the interview to a sudden end, pretty much like the movie.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Rahul Dravid press conference.

Rahul Dravid has done it again... He has very astutely pin-pointed the reason for their most recent failure. -
"The bowlers failed in the initial overs."
Awesome. I would never have guessed why India lost match against Australia if Dravid had not told me.

Also, he has said "This loss to Australia has been a good wake up call".. So what was this team's loss to West Indies and Australia in Malaysia? Was that just something the Indian team just hit the snooze button on?

So the loss to South Africa which is impending in the next two weeks.. will that be the reminder to brush their teeth and have breakfast? At this rate I think by the time they reach the World Cup the Indian team would be right on time to be reminded to have brunch. Well right now I would not regret if all of them die of hunger...

I have always been a fan of Rahul Dravid's press conferences. reminds me of a guy who used to work for my Friend's APpa

Friend's Appa : Yenda late?
Late Guy : Late Aiduchu saar
FA : Adhan da.. yean late???
LG : Late Aiduchu saar...

Or so the argument goes for the next 3 minutes... Rahul Dravid does not know the difference between an excuse and a reason. So when reporters are looking for reasons.. he gives excuses. What next ? Imagine this press conference after the assured South African debacle...

Dravid: We did not end up on the winnign side
Reporters : Why did you lose the match?
Dravid : Oh we lost the match...
Reporters : Really ? But why?
Dravid : Oh we lost the match....

I am waiting for that day.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Movie Review - Perarasu

According to reliable sources... after his defeat in the elections, Vijayakanth has promised that he would act in four movies in one year for the sake of his fans. I am forever indebted to Vijayakanth for such a magnanimous move. I love my future life already.

Ok, I need to warn you. There are three basic qualities you would need to have to watch and enjoy this movie to the maximum,
  1. Delayed onset of Maturity
  2. Permanent Adolescence
  3. Maladaptive behaviour
These 3 things are absolutely essential, and you will watch the movie atleast a dozen times.

Here are other reasons to watch this movie.
You get two Vijayakanths for the price of one !!!! What more do you want ?
Vijay1 fights Vijay2 !!! And the world survives !!! What more do you want ?
Vijay1 is a CBI abeesar !!!! What more do you want ?
Vijay2 is a villager out to take revenge !!! What more do you want ?
Vijay1 is amazingly scruplous and has photogrpaphic memory, can draw blind since he has evolved past teh stage of eyesight. He can also divide by zero for upto 3 decimal places. What more do you want ?
Vijay2 never sleeps, outruns a space ship on top gear, lifts a jeep with his tongue, pile drives it on a wiseguy and eats glass for pure exhileration. What more do you want ?
Vijay1 talks like he gobbled a ream of paper, chewed on some asparagus and had shit out Konar notes. What more do you want ?
Vijay2 responds with smart oneliners straight out of a Maniratnam movie. He never shakes his head and when he does the world better beware. What more do you want ?
Vijay2 falls faster than class four particles and the rules of physics dont apply to him. What more do you want ?
Vijay1 occupies 90% of screen time, and Vijay2 occupies 80% of screen time. Totally the movie is 170% Vijay. What more do you want ?
Vijay1 tells Vijay2 "kadaiseeya oru ambalaya sandhikkaren". And they start throwing nukes at each other.

Are you still sitting down ?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Movie Review - Jambavan

Jambavaan - A treatise on the modern day relevance of the great Indian epics
Written on the lines of some VV reviews. (No i am not yet out of the VV hating phase. it will take Perarasu to get me out of that).

Believe it or not, this movie has been made for one and only one person. T.N Seshagopalan. Seshu, as he is affectionally called in his family circles has come up with one more stellar performance after the stupendous success in his first movie - "Thodi Raagam". Do you remember the chart topper of the 1980s...?

"Thodiyil Paadugindren
Odi nee Varuvaai Murugaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

- sung in Thodi Raagam and set to Roopaka Thalam

Seshu plays a famous carnatic singer in this movie too and carries the movie completely on his capable shoulders. His body language, facial expressions, vocal intonation and general aura give life to an erstwhile ordinary movie. His first appearance in a sillhuette where he intones about good and evil... whoa... unforgettable words. he starts out with a hymn, Shantakaram... in praise of lord Vishnu (actually... Lord Thiagarajan), for having made Prashanth.He then goes onto the Bhagavad Gita... with his stentorian recital of "yada yada hi dharmasya", he makes the metaphysical connect between Ramayana and Mahabharatha and primes the reason to for Jambhavan to start on a war path against evil.

Seshu's bewildered expression (like what a monkey would have after eating some wasabi) when Prashant talks about his love for the Reddy girl to him, and his one liner in reponse... ('mmmmm') emphasises Seshu's penchant for underplay. Marlon Brando would have taken time off from his current eating binge in hell to wipe his mouth and then deliver an epithet about hawaiian dogs. (or hot dogs.. if you actually get the SNL connect).

Seshu, (from now on referred to as Brando... if you may) gets the correct opportunity to exhibit his overt histrionic ability (the other end of the spectrum) when his entire family dies in a freak 'goondas burning entire house down after locking doors from outside...' accident. Brando walks in... his face drawn in tension and the confusion (refer previous paragraph for expression), he sees his dead wife, laments, cries, breast beats (not his wife's), gets a heart attack, bangs his head against Prashant and dies... all in one fluid motion. the entire sequence from Running In to Dying happening within 3 seconds. Breathtaking!!!

No one in the crowd realizes this and our man Brando plays the part of a dead man to perfection for 4 minutes while Prashant reminisces about each one of his dead sisters for 1 minutes each (you know how many sisters he has... Prolific Brando). Brando does not stir... he is wooden.. he knows when he is in limelight and he enjoys it, and you just cannot take your eyes off him. At the end of the sequence you only wonder why this Asian Brando has not occupied more screen time. It is a big loss to Kollywood.

It is all downhill from here on as far as the movie goes... once the star is gone, Prashant wants to wrap things up pretty quickly and in the next 2 hours, wears face paint, takes a couple of katanas and gets medieval on every rowdy ass in Chennai. End of story.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Vettayadu Vilayadu - Follow up

The merits of superficiality

Well actually I have been reading a few reviews about the movie Vettayadu Vilayadu. Someone told me, the really superficial people have been lambasting this movie while the people who analyze movies frame by frame have enjoyed it. Here is a short write up about what was enjoyed in the movie, by the people who claim to discern the good from bad.

Apparently to these reviewswers, brangan, bbalaji... and those other guys who write the reviews that praise VV, the positive aspects of Vettayadu Vilayadu were,

  1. How Kamal reacts to Prakash Raj in the airport (the grim, brief nod), Did you really enjoy that? I think all you are trying to do here is to prove that KH is better than Steven Segal. hmm.. OK. lets go on.
  2. How ACP Raghavan looks and talks like Kamal Hassan... (Isn't he acting?)
  3. The 'unique' presentation of how ACP Raghavan deduces the locations of the dead bodies. I found it horribly hackneyed... gut feeling... Raghavan instinct... No seriously, havent the people who appreciated it ever watched S.A Chandrashekar with his infamous lawyer movies and how lawyers turn detectives and the remarkable linearity in how they 'deduce'?
  4. How Kamal looks slightly obese and hence suits the role... check out the review by brangan. I thought he looked positively odd when he was bashing 20 year old kids with his 44 inch belly.
  5. The way Kamal's 'sandpaper' voice cracks when emoting. (I do not know if I can really enjoy such things in a movie)
  6. His bump into a girl in a disco, and obvious the startled expression ourman has, because our man is a devout conservative from T.Nagar, chennai 17.
  7. The re-emergence of 'masala movies' so that they can enjoy Kamal in all his natural wonder!!! I do not know if that was a contradiction... but I feel brangan was trying to bend over backwards and try to do something not worth mentioning here.
  8. The phrase 'Nara vettai' is 'eloquent'. I have no comments on this.
  9. Vett Vill was a 'police procedural presented in a dry manner'. 'A docudrama'. These guys have watched United Airlines 93 once too many times.
  10. I have to agree with them on not making any of Raghavan's family made important, being kind of nice. But when Kamal wants to occupy 80% of the screen time, his family is deemed to be put in the back seat.
  11. So a beggar remembers the girl. So Raghavan has a hunch that the beggar will know. So he interviews the beggar. So there is only one road from the bus stand. So there are no intersections in the middle of a town. So in 15 minutes, people in a red colour maruti van can only travel so far. All this takes 3 minutes of screen time. After the body is found, there is a 20 second shot of the nude body and Prakash Raj cries for 10 minutes of screen time. So this is 'tight screenplay'? 'a docudrama'? 'a dry police procedural'? Hmmm.
  12. "I know it sounds strange to highlight the love angle as the best aspect of a serial-killer thriller, but that’s what makes this movie so interesting." !!!!. I call that sycophancy. I would then ask you to admire the pump set used in the next Ramarajan movie. Will you find that interesting ?
Yes Ok. I know I am a bad finisher. This is how I finish. Bye

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Movie Review - Uyir

One Sunday afternoon... we actually did not have ANYTHIGN to watch. Completely bereft of ideas... we went to Devi. Seriously there were no movies that we had not already watched. Jerry, yes watched it. Naalai, again over and i liked 'Nuttu'... , Pulikesi... i even remember the dialogues.

And then we remembered.. "Thanannananana (3 times)... UYIR".. tickets were available and show time was 1 hour away. What to do ? Ofcourse.. what we usually do.. go sit in Saravaan Bhavan and buy the song book for the movie. (only 1 Rs). We read throught the lyrics really loudly.. and were very very lucky to not have been thrown out of our dear SB. BTW the aapam there is really good. try it out once.

Now back to the theatre... really horrible theatre.. the one that resembles the dungeon in the movie 8 mm... in the basement of Devi.. but then who cares? BTW waiting in line for them to open the theatre doors was officially the lowest point in my life. I do not think I have stooped further in my life yet, and I hope I never have to go that far down ever. Atleast there were no cockroaches inteh theatre...

Wasnt this supposed to be the movie review ? Well the movie is straigth out of your TV screens. Current tamil movies want us to believe that there are only two kinds of women in TN. THe ones like Reema Sen's, 9Thara's and Trisha's characters play... the ones that are college students and strut about wondering where to go for their dream sequence... and the ones like Sangeetha, Metti Oli's Rajam, Dhanam Akka,Leela and Saro who are eternally scheming to get things done their way in life...

Anyway Sangeetha is a working mother and wife of a percieved nincompoop (hero's brother), who gets tragically killed while testing the strength of a rope, the fan and his neck. Wonder why people get such weird ideas to prove their manliness... Anyway, this opens the lust lines between Sangeetha and the hero... and... and... and... there starts the ugliness. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The review for the movie will just be one line.

Now you know why there were no roaches in the theatre.
Thats it. Even they ran away.

I used this line once. I will use it again. I do not want to waste too much time thinking abotu what to write. The story line from now on starts as a tiny trickle of lizard urine, is joined by a few tributaries of Python regurgitation, becomes a raging river of Iguana vomit and dissappears over a cliff into oblivion. So does Sangeetha.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Movie Review - Thimuru

Why do villains speak only in vowels? Be it villis or villans, they all seem to suffer from a severe case of loose vowels.

Thimuru showcases quite of few of those. There is no shortage of consonantly challenged villains. THey even have names like Eera and Aatttaa. And they roam all over Chennai, and a nameless town (a la Wes Anderson), in their Scorpios and Sumos trying to find Vishal. (There is a town called ZyZyxx near Las Vegas... Are all Tamil movie villains from there?)

Now why are they after Vishal? Well apart from the fact that he is the hero, apparently he was the reason their sister got accidently electrocuted. She is aptly named No-Ohmaaaa... (get it? she couldnt resist electricity... lol I know... bad joke) (Hey BTW, electricity apparently is very friendly to certain people. Vishal stands in the same puddle of water that Shreya stood but still it does not harm him. Vijayakanth too.). Anyway putting logic aside, our man calmly goes to the city to continue his education. Boys will be boys... and so Eera, Aattaaa, Eeeniiii, Annaaaa, with a score of their derivatives board white Sumos and rush to Chennai and roam bus stands looking for him... (Lesson learnt... if you are hiding from militant vowels from the town of Zyzzyx, stay out of bus stands).

Vishal has to go there though... apparently because he wants to convince Reema that he does not love her, and so they meet in the bus stand where he ofcourse falls in love with her. (Oh I have already asked logic to step aside.. why am I pulling it back in... Sorry logic).

Anyway thats starts out a 2 hour climax for the 2.5 hour movie. Intersperesed are 4 songs. Reema covers one part of her body in each song, depending on the location of the song. Shreya who learnt her dialogues from someone suffering from severe constipation, rolls her eyes and thighs in one badly shot indoor song. Reema and Vishal get to travel to Finland, Malaysia, Gibraltar and Tibet during this 2 hour climax (check your dirty filter)... The Concorde proved to be handy.

Vishal seems to be at home throwing people about. Seriously I think his house is the most messy place on earth with people strewn all over the place with/without limbs/eyballs and wangs.

Ok I am now bored with this review. Bye. Watch this movie. I liked it. Its got everythign you would ever want in a Tamil movie.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Movie Review - Emttan Magan

Our man Thirumurugan who made the living room sofas sag in 90% of the tamil households with his monumental Metti Oli is back. With this amazing story. The movie spans 3 hours but it feels like 30 years. You actually become a grandfather waiting for this movie to end. You know.. he has proved Einstein right... everythign is relative.

Do you know what the plot of the movie is?

The father beats the son up on every occassion he gets.

Thats it. Thats the whole plot. No I have not left anythign out. The father beats his kid up black and blue for,
1. Not eating the liver of the goat.
2. For dropping some rice
3. For going to college
4. For dropping a spoon
5. For not stealing money
6. For not going to college
7. For going to a temple
8. For dropping a spoon... again

This is not an exhaustive list. There is 5 minute loop of the father beating the kid up... and this is repeated for the next 80 minutes... I have listed only 40% of the reasons.

So all this happens in the first 90 or so minutes.. which ofcourses takes me well into my middle age. Now he comes up with a 'solution' to this 'problem'.. Gopika changes her future father in law... with her 'kindness'. Thats it.. and this takes away the next 15 years of my life...

Seriously I would have prefered this movie to have been remixed with J Park.. and halfway through the movie a T Rex crashes in and eats everyone on screen. Problem solved. Have fun.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Movie Review - Vettayadu Vilayadu

Staying the process...
Top Dollar...
Covey lose?
Lets gooooo...

Thats how the movie starts... Do not go to the movie with any expectations... I am sure you would be dissappointed. I expected a laugh riot... a movie where you could laugh at Kamal trying to be serious by putting on fake accents (remember the time when he called Queen Elizabeth... ma'am.. with a call center accent?). I expected a movie where Kamal did superhuman feats with his belly tightly tucked into jeans and T shirts. I expected him to occupy the screen 90% of the time and talkabout how intelligent he actually is. I was partly dissappointed... in the first few and completely dissappointed in the final thought. He occupies only 80% of screen time.

There were a few laughs though,
1. "Raghavan instinct"... "Back at home"...
2. "I invited myself to the party"
3. His ability to emulate Ron Jeremy on every opportunity... Don't you feel he is a self percieved underachiever?
4. His presentation at the CIA headquareters where he makes fun of American political 'correctitude'.. We got our man.. ? oh sorry suspect :-).
5. The 55 year old iyengar maama is revealed for an instant when he asks the two 'suspects' if they were 'homosexuals'... and then he keeps repeatedly rubbing it in (hulo gentleman... no pun intended) with words like... 'kaadhali, 'aval'... Homophobic to say the least. Tasteless.
6.30 AM Saturday in the protaganosits' hallway,
2.30 PM Sunday after lunch, watching Jerry Springer
4.30 PM Monday walking on Times Square...
Such really idiotic titles had us in splits for a few minutes and then lost its purported novelty.

Jyothika... hokey dialgues and all... falling in love with Raghavan... I think she has drawn her eyebrows somewhere up north, to hide her really really huge forehead... it gives her a permanently surprised look even when she is crying. One character who was avoidable. Goutham I think needed her to make the climax engrossing. Is she kidnapped? Will she die or not? What a whore this Goutham is... You tried it in one movie.. why do it the second time too?

The movie was something new for a Tamil movie. Goutham has matured and has not resorted to too much 'macho' dialogues (remember thiruchelvan refering to 10 and 15 person shootouts as 'action blocks'?). He has been a sell out when he attempts to show grizzly shots (the blurred portions.. was that the censors or Goutham?), of severed body parts and naked cut up women.

The movie would have been better if there was no Jyothika and no songs. I would have actually ended up liking the movie then.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Music Review - Shiva

Shiva is a treat for people who had loved Illayaraaja's previous. "Josh Mein", starts out with Pithamagan beats, then goes on to "Vidiya Vidiya Nadanam" and then has a smattering of Anjali songs in the interludes and 'charanams'. Anyway you feel this is a remix of his old classics with techno beats and Jesudas's voice. You at least do not feel he has wasted a good Thamizh movie to place his remixes.

Saarah Yeh Alaam

Vintage Raaja again... another way of saying he never innovates does he ;) ?. Well this is a remix of another one of his old hit songs. I forgot the song but it sounds good with a better singer than Janaki. Sad song I guess because its got a horde of violins crying in the interludes.

I think Ram Gopal must have told Illayaraaja... ok… get the 16 bit beat machine out and remix me some of your old hits... you cannot go wrong if you do that and the Hindi populace wont even notice. After all isn’t this the same crowd that raves about Himesh Reshmaiyya??? Don’t you guys feel the only difference between his songs is the colour of his cap?

Now as I wait for the next download... I am trying to guess what Dheeme Dheeme would be a remix of... Indiaglitz says its the best song of the album so I expect one easily identifiable song from an Mani Ratnam block buster.

Oh… and a bird told me that Shiva is the remix of James... I guess that kind of justifies Illayaraaja's insistence on old tunes?

Ok back to Dheemi Dheemi.. No I am not able to identify this song. This song is really good... Dheemi Dheemi is.. zindagi mein koi aagaya!!!.. ok I found out the similarity... Aagaya is a give away.. wait wait... The interlude sounds like that Bharathan song. Man this guy had been good. Yes very much like that Bhanupriya song in the Andamans or wherever (Bhehkudi… jaane lagi... part). Well a smattering of his other songs too... cleverly disguised but anyhow a remix.

I guess Illayaraaja has come to the point where he makes fun of his own music.
BTW someone told me today that I know I have hit middle age when I start making fun of myself...

Well if that’s the case, I hit middle age when I was 15. Youngsters these days take themselves too seriously :-).

OK the next one is Shapath... This time Illayaraaja has thrown away all his songs and has resorted to remixing a Shankar Ganesh or a Chandrabose song... The sounds like an especially musically minded shashtrigal trying to add some pep into an Ammavasai Tharpanam rendition. Absolutely flat.

Just a thought… but Illayaraaja, I think, might not have made it in today’s music world. Look at the people he competed against.. Chandrabose, who used only 2 notes in all his compositions and, Shankar-Ganesh, whose idea of composing music is to throw a few music instruments into the monkey enclosure at Guindy Park.

This song also has Illayaraaja SINGING in Hindi !!! Has he done it before? He does NOT sound like a Thamizian with a bad Hindi accent but still at his very constipated best. Yes there.... this song has some of those death songs of Sethu written all over it. (Even the metallic beat) Vaarthai Thavarivittal...

Police Police..

I know this song !!! Udhayam !!! oh wow.. Botany classum undu... Matinee show um undu... hey BTW that was a RGV movie too (And the movie was called Shiva in Telugu) Well the beat has been stolen from one of those settu kalyana band masters in SGS Sabha. And then there are some discordant tones for the interludes... (Do you remember ROSS being at his creative best with his keyboard... no?... well I do... that was the only Friends episode I have ever watched)

Kaise Kahein...

Ninaivooooooooooo oru Paravaiiiii.. ok. Then it is some unidentifiable "Honeee Anhoneee" (remember that old serial on DD?) sounding tune.. hahahaha TEH funniest lyrics.. I love yooooooooooo I love yooooooooo... now I am going mad. Thats EENUFF.. I've had it with these muthertrucking Tamil tunes in a muthertrucking Hindi movie. And yes.. You know how I feel about it (Sorry Patton... to group you with Sammy J)

BTW what is that starting tone in Raaga for the ad? I know I have heard it somewhere. Could you please tell me? Ok. And dream home that your folks always wanted? Talk about redundancies... and remixes ? :D... Isnt it ironic? I AM MAD. BYE. I gotta sleep.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Movie Review - Lady in the Water

We all know what Night Shyamalan has been trying to do over the past few movies. He has always attempted to take a contemporary popular movie making concept and then tone it down and apply it to his surroundings.... (ie) Philadelphia...

His Unbreakable was his take on all the superhero movies... what will happen if a superhero was one of us?
His signs, was a take on what normal people... (not F16 fighter pilots and US Presidents)... would do when attacked by aliens
His Village was slightly different I agree. The overlap with 'LitW' were only Bryce Dallas Howard and the media whoric boom mic

Lady in the Water is a modern day take on about LOTR and what would happen if a normal guy was entrusted with a Frodo Baggins kind of responsibility.

He has to help a 'narph' from the 'Blue World', inspire someone on earth and then return to her world. The hero has to save the 'narph' from these things called Scrunts - a wolf like creature made of grass. And oh, BTW scrunts are frightened of Tartutics - monkey like creature made of grass. And then there is a guild of seven, a healer, a Symbolist and a Guardian recruited by the saviour, to save Story (The Narph), and facilitate her to get carried away by a giant eagle. Hence... THE END. Did you get the idea? Congratulations...

The selection of the guild goes on for half the movie and seems to be based on Affirmative Action. Each one thats selected, has a purpose in this world and apparently to some, it is to stare at the scrunt in the eye and to go around carrying broom sticks... for some it is weirder... they read symbols from cereal boxes. One person just has to die... apparently that is his purpose of living... to die... OH !!!

The problem with this movie is that with all these made up stories and characters, Shyamalan runs the risk of sounding a tad too self involved and hence phrenelogical. Also, he cannot act. The movie is amateurish attempt of a seemingly self important person who had too much money and time in his hands. I do not think it is worth wasting your matinee on this even if you are a software engineer warming the benches in a services company. Thank you.

Monday, July 24, 2006

SOAP - Follow up

Yes thats Jackson TASERING... thats right T-A-S-E-R-I-N-G a cobra... how can you not love this movie?

Watched the new trailer of the SOAP movie. Tagline is Sit Back Relax and Enjoy the Fright... well it could not have been better. The movie is set to be the master of all cheesy scary movies and we are all going to be much better people because of that.

Yes ok.. not to prick the bubble but the snakes seem to be especially bad tempered in the trailer, they infact really go after people and all of them have fangs WAY bigger than they are supposed to be. Can they infact be genetically engineered ? That would be a fun movie.. does this remind you of Dr Evil saying "Rrrrriggght... Sea Bass... Are they Ill tempered?"

An evil veterinarian??? anyone????

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Movie Review - The world's fastest Indian

Talking about paradoxes... this is one really slow movie to be made about a speed devil. Yes the movie was touching at points and it had the ghost of human kindness blowing all over. Burt Monroe endears himself to everyone and at times acts very smart and gets things done. What is also interesting is that there has eben tooo many references to his sex life and how he seems to bed every lady he ever meets...

Also the fact that you know how the movie is goign to end even from the first scene kind of makes the entire movie a sort of a drag. I did mind watching the movie, and I will not recommend you to spend your hard earned money on another one of those 'triumph of human spirit' movies. I gather it is playing or goign to be played in Sathyam... watch teh pulikesi movie instead.. atleast hatred will be more channelized.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Movie Review - Red Eye

In the movie The Big Lebowski, there is this super amazing sequence. Walter SObchak has a 'Swiss Watch' of a plan to NOT give kidnappers the money, but to give them his dirty undies, and then beat the info about the hostage from the kidnappers. That WAS a 'Swiss Fucking Watch' and it had the now famous repurcussions...

Well, Walter Sobchak seems to have planned the main assassination that is the crux of the movie. The plan is to kidnap some vague hotel manager and threaten her to change the room number for the high profile politician so that some vague guy from teh bay can use a high profile cruiser missile to get to that room? Was that really the plan even before she had to board a plane to attend her grandmothers funeral? If terrorists were so dumb, I guess then they deserve to die by the bushels in Iraq.

Well to tell you the truth, there was one thing that was really noteworthy in that movie.. and that alone was interesting enough for a quick 10 minute run-through... the initial confrontation between the protoganists is really engrossing. It is almost like the movie is a really nice love story developing, but then once the 'thriller mode' sets in.. we are in for a shit storm.

The movie is just another Kidnap thriller, though the logistics of the build up are mind boggling. The various 'idiot alert' questions that come up are all deviously answered... it is like the director has really tried to give a good movie. Even if you do find some glitches, you just do not have time to point it out.. as the movie moves along at breakneck speed.

Wes Craven has also made sure that there are no unnecessary characters introduced. Not one scene seems unnecessary. Even the little girl comes of use but then the way the director has brought her on seemed pretty Bollywoodish. Well in the end all's well turns out OK.. Kitnaa Naai dies and hotel.. manager gets a pay hike...

Movie Review - The Devil's Rejects

Sid Haig as the Clown. You can watch the movie just for this guy

yes she is wearing the face of a dead man

Anyway I liked watching this Rob Zombie's wannabe cult classic. Yes they made House of a 1000 corpses and it was almost like a parody made in bad taste. Every horror movie cliche was exploited in that movie. That movie was really fun to watch.

In the Devil's Rejects, the same family is now being hunted by the police... and the story resembles Natural Born Killers... though it is not quite that engrossing. Sid Haig as the clown is interesting and some of his dialogues are icy in all its childishness... when he threatens the kid that the next time he comes, if the kid does not give him 10 reasons to fear clowns.. he will most certainly diembowel the mother... well you know how the laughs go in that one.

Rob Zombie has gone to great lengths in trying to get some really awesome freaks for this movie. The characters are stomach churning and their activities completely freak you out. On the whole the movie does what it was intended to do. To Disgust AND to Entertain.

Overexpoed (bright) film accentuates the arid feel of the Texas landscape. The repeated characters such as 'Tiny' from the house of a 1000 corpses have been effectively used. Dr Satan does not make an appearance.. it would have been interesting to see what his position in the movie was.

The pick of he weird characters is one of the mexican goons. He reminded me of that amazing wrestler... do you know who I am talkign about ? Just look at his picture... but just with more gashes to his head. So ok... it is almost as if I am waiting for the next one of Rob Zombie's. He is like the quentin Tarantino fo horror movies... and when he goes overboard, he does it in style.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Book Review - Or the day seizes you

Failures arise mainly because of refusing or not having the capability to capitalize on opportunities provided. When you fail to sieze the day or act prudently on provided opportunities, the day ends up ruling you :-). Pretty much the same logic as wag the dog... if the tail is smarter than the dog, the Tail Wags the Dog.

Nilu, the hero of this novel is a lonely guy. He is not very intelligent. In denial and does not even want to accept the reason for his wife to leave him. Is of brittle moral fibre and has a family history of corruption. He is also completely apathetic towards his life and his wife, as only a guy of such character can be. Things happen TO him... he rarely makes thing happen (hence the title), and I am reminded of one article by Prem Panicker. he describes one character called the Serial Chiller. Someone who calls himself a railway platform. People come, embark, influence and leave leaving me behind... Nilu has pretty much the same persona.

I tended to concentrate a lot on the reasons for which his wife had left him, but the last few chapters shed no new light on it. I had to be satisfied with just his apathy and his fear for real life situations. The wife cheats on him. She needs more from life... some more attention and loads of respect. Well guys need acceptance and women need attention. Give them that and they are always on their best behaviours. This relationship lacked both. So it crumbles.

One of the most important passages in the book attempts to divulge what could be said of the talk that Meena had with Nilu that explained the reasons why she left him inspite of him having forgiven her (do not take it in the literal sense). She had mentioned two separate anecdotes, both of which involve Raj running away from the incident. He shows his initial involvement. Both show his lack of any courage to continue and both make him come out in poor standing. He proves in both instances that he is completely untrustworthy.

Just like in the Royal Tenenbaums, Gene hackman tells Angelica Houston on realizing why she chose Danny Glover, "He is everything I am not", Nilu realizes something. He realizes that no amount of sacrifice is ever going to make both of them change enough to have a happy life together. (Gene Hackman is able to take comfort in the fact that he atleast had had SOME effect on Angelica's life for her to chose someone who is exactly his opposite, Likewise Niladri too takes some comfort)

The story moves on. At one point of time I realize it is no longer a story but just anecdotes strung together. There can never be an 'ending' to this... The book is more about what you feel than what the author has to say. Saying that I felt i liked the way it ended. Very open and leaves a lot to ones imagination. I would most certainly buy the next Rajorshi Chakraborthy book.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Movie Review - Underworld - 2

This is the second movie of this sort that I had watched. The first one was "Kallarai manithan", this being "Naraga Ulagam". I Both of the movies had Kate Beckinsale and I did not know any of the other characters in the movie. What i liked were once again the terminologies and the fact that every movie that has Kate Beckinsale also gets dubbed in Thamizh :-).

See if you can make sense of this story. There are two major evil clans. The Rathakaateris and the Lyncargal. The hero is a Rathakaateri girl who had killed her chief for colluding with the Lyncargal in 'BloodRayne'... the first part of this POS. Now she teams up with one pulluruvi fellow who has both genes. RKs and Lync's. They wear black rubber tights and fight everyone in sight.. (almost poetry.. you know.. what I just said)... always during the night killing all those who bite... (there is no controlling me... :-) )... oh what a pile of SHITE.

Yenyvay coming back to the movie... they are battled by one more demon, one of twins, one who became a RK and the other a Lynkar... and who was killed a few gazillion years back (around 2300 a bird mentions in the movie... ) So this guy was originally a RK and some Lynkar blood flows into his grave? and now suddenly he breaks open the ground, comes out and goes for some key who people wearing tights have... These guys just fly about... and fight... and they kill each other a couple of times and then they come back to life... ( I dont see the point in this... but then my mind was addled enough to not look for reason...) Hey and blood transfusion is done by sucking and reverse sucking... apparently vampires can extract AND inject blood directly into veins and arteries.

So there is obviously this castle... (There always HAS to be a castle in such movies), where there is a showdown of ginormous proportions. Vampires can fly and werewolves jump.. but they prefer to talk at length about the recent book review they read before killing their sworn enemy... kind of think they might have some Hindi villain gene streak in them... Oh I keep going off on tangents while reviewing this movie.. and BTW i was reading a book while watching this movie...

Ok once again coming back to the review, that pulluruvi fellow comes back to life for I think some 4th time in the movie and bashes all and sundry up. guns, bombs, scimtars, teeth, tongue, brain, viscerals, all fly about in random fasion. The two.. the firl and the guy survive.... and yes there is going to be a sequel to this.

There were not too many dialogues... so the purpose of watching this movie in thamizh was defeated... if you want the DVD dont ask me, I burnt mine, and buried the ashes it 10 feet under.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Movie Review - V for Vendetta

This movie is based on a book that most reviewers would ideally call ‘seminal’. Such words are now being used so arbitrarily that it could be used even to describe the latest edition of Amar Chitra Katha. I really don’t know what COULD be seminal about the book that is a rip-off off George Orwell’s 1984… played out by cartoon-like characters.

This movie is a juvenile fantasy of one man battling a Big Brother-like evil dictator who keeps England under a permanent threat of war. The warrior befriends Natalie Portman, a courier and he sees in her ‘theological’ awakening, his own past emancipation from a brutal concentration camp. Why he needs her to get his revenge is never dealt with, and the story meanders on with arbitrary killings and the occasional decent quip. The characters are so sketchy and the script so disjoint that it fails to keep your attention after around 83.2 seconds (you get it? Don’t we need to be accurate up-to one decimal place?). I watched the movie anyway because I had nothing else to do.

According to the movie, fear psychosis, state of permanent war with an unknown enemy, totalitarian command, the criticism of which is automatically charged as conspiracy, characterizes England in 2020. The tedium of such a world, which has already been seen and read about in 1984 did not really interest me. Though there could be a lot of parallels that could be drawn to the current state of affairs in the USA, the movie fails to impress.

The movie has an all burnt out guy in a Guy Fawke’s mask on a crusade against the tyranny of Big Brother. He has had his family killed and himself burnt in the Nazi style concentration camp. Once he escapes, he starts out on the mission (well of-course only after eating 3 idlis and getti chutney at home), to educate 3 people in Britain about the atrocities committed by BB by…

  1. Painting a red V and a circle on a few city walls
  2. Making one very explosive, incomprehensible 3 minute speech on television
  3. Setting off a few bombs under government buildings and TV transmission towers at night
  4. Distributing Guy Fawkes masks and capes to people
  5. These people then walk on streets, take off their masks and watch fireworks.
  6. Hence revolution achieved. Regurgitation too

Don’t watch this movie. Don’t even go near the shop that sells this DVD.The movie, though, has quite a lot of interesting trivia about music.

1. Da da da Dum (. . . _ which is Morse code for V) is the opening notes of the fifth of Beethoven. V as the terrorist is called is actually the Roman numeral V… the number of the ‘room’’ where the mutated freak was raised.

2. V plays Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture when he blows up the Big Ben. Incidentally, Tchaikovsky used original cannons to get those 11 explosions during the allegro of the piece

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Movie Review - Pudhupettai

Movie designed for shock appeal. Least probable events, given any situation, are strung together in a disjointed manner to make the movie. If the movie was designed to be that way, Selvaraghavan has done a great job. (The movie opens with Dhanush ranting about his life... )

If the movie is supposed to be narrated by an incoherant frightened fool, who has had his illusions of grandeur shattered just recently, and you watch the movie with that in mind, the movie is very entertaining.

An attempt to be very slick... Pays off well
There is no attempt to stick to reality
Music at times is good. (The theme reminds me of the theme of Enemy at the Gates)
Lots of work on characterization. But very little on dialogues
Dhanush looks very comfortable, once again playing a ruffian

First half better than second... Second half is a big drag
Sonia Agarwal is unnecessary

Movie fragmented like this review
Worth a watch though

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind - Movie Review

The title and its connection to the storyline piqued my curiosity because at the time I watched the movie I really did not pay attention to that part about the poem “Eloisa and Abelard” by Alexander Pope. Is this the idea behind the title? “Ignorance is Bliss”? And if you are not in a position to ignore it, try by all means to forget it ?

Well after writing those lines I proceeded to read the poem… and was taken completely by it. I suggest everyone to read it.

The poem in short:
The story in the poem is about a love affair between a mature man and a much younger and intelligent woman. Abelard and Eloisa fell in love. Abelard had difficulties in committing. Eloisa is forced to become Abelard’s secret wife or give up her love. Eloisa had strong connections… people who did not take to the former arrangement pleasantly and they did the unmentionable to Abelard. A and E break-up and took to the church to drown their sorrows. Abelard became a monk and Eloisa a nun.

Their love affair ended there, or so you would think. The reminiscences of the two erstwhile lovers, their suffering and a lament of their present situations are engraved in 7 monumental letters that they exchange 10 years after the break-up. Alexander Pope chanced upon three letters written by Eloisa and composed them into a memorable poem… a few verses of which, translated to an opus of tragic love in this movie.

Eloisa, a nun who has surrendered her life to the services of God, longs for the unstressed life a loveless vestal (Latin virgin committed to the church) leads. Oh!! She yearns for obedient slumbers and alert hours. For composed desires and even temperament. To have the ability to forget the world that had in turn forgotten about her. For a spotlessly clean mind devoid of unpleasant emotions. Would not life be eternally sunny? Life is truly torturous beyond failed love.

The leads in short:
Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet:
Jim is introduced as the modern world corruption of Abelard. Not quite as learned as Abelard but at least as indecisive and emotionally constrained. He is “constitutionally unable to make eye contact with another woman”, a recluse, loser, a recalcitrant coward, who does not have a very promising life ahead of him.
Kate is introduced as the exact opposite of Jim. Ebullient yet extremely sentimental, is young and has a very positive attitude towards life.
Jim and Kate naturally fall in love and are inexorably attracted towards each other. Their dialogues are commonplace but suit the situation. It is vaguely pleasurable to follow their conversation. In fact I liked it all the more when I read through the script. The two do the A and E. To what level do they go in this story?

The script in short:
Kauffman does not go into complete insanity like probably P.T Anderson would have. His story-telling is unique to the point of being insane but stops there. This story of Jim Carrey trying to hide Kate in a place in memory and his life which cannot be corrupted by any memory erase technique gives Kauffman ample opportunity to experiment with presentation techniques. Jim initially tries to conjure up insane locations that would not possibly be corrupted like a bed on the beach. THe visuals are also spectacular with the props while the characters are interracting always saying something about the mood they are in. Cars fly about when Kate is angry and the room has very pleasant colours when they are just two happy lovers. Remember the entire movie runs in Jim’s mind...

It is not a very complicated story and hence the sequence of events is convoluted to add the interest factor in the movie. The scenes are shuffled forward and backward which while clearing some lingering doubts, continuously raises some more about the next sequence. There are two storylines flashing alternately. One, that of the assistants doing their job of erasing. This happens along the positive timeline. The second is just Jim’s dreams, which keeps going from Jim’s childhood to his present day in a pseudo random sequence. There is also a mini A and E in the forward storyline of the doctor and the receptionist who are in turn running away from their problems by erasing the girl’s memories. The movie starts and ends with Jim waking up from a deep sleep, the only difference being that at the end of the movie, Jim knows what he has to do while at the beginning, he is confused.

There are some memorable scenes which showcase the histrionic abilities of both Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet that should not be missed. There are some truly intelligent non-CGI effects that are employed in some scenes that you can see only if you get the DVD. Also, while watching the movie, try to imagine this situation. You are trying to keep segments of a word document and you find that the ctrl C/ ctrl V key becomes the delete key every once in a while just so that you lose whatever data you are trying to paste… that is the level of frustration that Jim might be feeling.

Ok. I have tried to explain as much about the movie without giving away what will happen at the end… happy viewing.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Movie Review - Crash

Parochial Thought Associations

Yes people generally do that in America... Thought associations always have narrow bandwidth... For ex. to the average American, the word 'France' invokes Fries and Surrendering. The country Germany invokes "Inga wearing a short skirt carrying a mug of beer in each hand" and India invokes Apu and "Deng you veddy much"... Well in Crash an attempt is made to show how such peripheral opinions/judgments can affect people in real life.

'White men talking racist shit' (The SOAPification of CRASH') is indeed just that... and irritatingly... nothing else. Well there is something more if you take in the occasional Nigger who talks racist stuff...
People yak... yak all the time about how the colour of their skin has placed them almost immediately into clich├ęd character bins in the eyes of other people... those bins, they find very difficult to get off.

Like why the spic's tattoo is falsely 'recognized' as a prison tattoo... like how two niggers with UCLA jackets become thugs and why any gun buyer with a Middle-Eastern accent is termed an "Eyeracki"... At the end of the movie you think if indeed their society was so narrow-minded, despite the cultural diversity in metropolitan America, how, anyone can ever do business... and prosper...

Even though the movie has some sort of realistic feel to it, I realized that bigotry unless presented with the help of wars, bloodshed or of course humor, is not an entertaining deviance of mankind.

What irked me further is that the few 'smart coincidences' seem too contrived. Like why would the white cop who feels a rich black lady up… HAVE to be the only guy in entire Los Angeles to save her when the black lady has an accident in some vague place? I could give you a few more... but I want you to watch the movie. I felt the script left a lot to be desired.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Snakes..... on a PLANE ?

I am waiting for the greatest event in Movie entertainment to happen. The release of the SOAP movie. I love the movie and it has not even been made. Already the SOAP 'hiss' is catching up... it is soon going to be a steady humm... So many people are onto it that they can form a separate Jihad army altogether...

There are people making fake trailers and there is movie merchandize from T shirts to fake snakes and miniature planes. I recently saw the original movie trailer and it was so sweet that I crapped my pants. It features Air Chief marshall Sam jackson WHIPPING a guy with a snake... Tell me how cool is that?

More... there are people who make movie posters... like "Snakes, Planes and MotherTruckers"... There are people who make amazing soundtracks. There are people who plan more for the screening of SOAP than for tehir weddings. They are even making constumes for the movie... Just visit snakesonablog... to revel in the madness.

There are people who predict dialogues. There are people who write to New Line cinema to request for certain lines to be added to a movie and I am joining the bandawagon.... I want some spoofs of some of the greatest movie quotes featured in the movie. Such as....
  • "That snake really tied the cockpit together"
  • "You are the man now snake"
  • "I' ve had it with these snakes"
  • "Guns for show, tasers for a Pro"
  • "Go ahead, make my flight"
  • "There were three skins. In the skins were three snakes. In the snakes were three bullets"
  • "Oh, I just shot a snake in teh head"
    followed by...
  • "Is it dead?"
  • "Mine. Thats an African Black Mamba. The snake I always wanted to shoot. I RULE"
  • "Thats the most beautiful thing in the world"
  • "When a Snake smiles at me... all I could do was smile back"
  • "Oh my God!! they killed Kenny"
  • "Sound of like you GOT a pair of fangs"
  • And ofcourse the Movie tagline "Mischief, Mayhem SOAP !!!!"
Feel free to add some more.. you know if you are as mad as me about this movie.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Movie Review - Sudhesi

There was Vanchinathan.. where Vijay (The Spleen) Kanth was the cause of instantanous combustion of a few lorries.

There was Narasimha where he made an appearance as the superhero who had the capacity to electrocute electricity.

There was Alexander where he played a CBI officer who would ignite a cigarette with his own blood.

Then there was Gajendra where he spends some time in 'hyper-polymer shock' uses just his moustache to bash baddies.

But Sudhesi... I am sorry to say... pales in comparison. Gaaptan is just your friendly neighborhood vigilante... there is no international conspiracy against India... there are no theeviravaadhies from Baakisdaan... There are no theeviravaadhies hanging "Jihad" posters inside well lit 'secret' hideouts located in city hotels... SHUCKS !!!! This is when you realize this is not the usual gaaptan movie.

The movie does NOT feature gaaptan as the greatest CeeBeeAi abeesar to grace earth. Nor is he an underworld don with a heart of 24 carrat gold... Nor is he a undercover 'deductive' with super-human skills... Nor is he some major Jameendar who has hair growing from his ears and nose... Dismay starts to creep in... you feel cheated... this is not correct.. There is no God.

Is he the guy who can fall through the air faster than class IV particles like in Alexander?
Is he the guy who could resist even Sodium Pentathol... to make chemistry Nobel Laureates to scratch their heads and say "Oh My God... Ivana Control Panrathukku innum medicine kandupidikkala" like they did in Narasimha?
Is this the man who coudl leap 20 feet in the air and bash 20 guys with his moustache like he did in Gajendra?
Is he the guy who slaughtered around 232347 guys with a double edged battle axe to beat Shwarzenegger's record in Commando?

No No No No No No No No No... this is not the gaaptan I know. This is just not fair!!! What has happened to my man???

And then it happened... Gaaptan starts wooing a girl... his face fills the screen... he twirls his tongue under his teeth, winks and the the sweet sound reaches my ears... "Aaaang".... and I rest in peace... atleast one thing cannot changed.

/Eagerly awaiting Perarasu
//I heard there are 2 gaaptans in the movie
///HE fights HIMSELF !!!!!
////Wonder who wins...
/////Does earth survive THE BATTLE?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Movie Review - 1947 Earth

"There is an animal inside everyone of us... be it Hindu, Muslim or Sikh... it is just the action of opening the door for the animal to get out... once that is done there is no controlling it..."

The entire movie is being narrated through the eyes of the child and so, many questions are left unanswered... but that is pardonble... the child is present in everyshot... in some such movies, the writer forgets who narrates the story and tells you more information than the narrator can possibly know... but that is rarely the case in 1947. That is something I liked.. but still does not explain why and how a mother can let an ayyah and the child loiter around a city rife with religious disharmony.

Apart from which the movie.. (or the child) does not attempt to take any sides.. because all the principal characters in the movie are the child's friends... Muslim, Sikh, Hindu... The closure to the movie is also done pretty suavely... and presented without any passionate tilt.

Yes there was one sequence in which the child was not present and there was no way in which the child could have known that fact... but its OK.. pardonable again.

And yes there is an attempt to raise the emotional level with innocent dialogues from the children. About... what rape is... and why people are put inside gunny sounds cheap when you read it in a review.. but in the movie it is passed off well.

The main way the British fucked up India was to leave its idiotic Victorian principles behind... and so there is an element of incredulity when you see the Parsee parents who emulate the British in every other way, use non-Victorian language with the children.

Also, possibly the movies paint Parsees in bad light... calling themselves 'chameleons'... but then it might be correct... weren't we ruled by the wife and son of a Parsee who changed his name just to appeal to the masses? I dont think the Congress has a case on that one.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Movie review - The New World

Poetic license is ok... it worked well with the Thin Red Line.. atleast there were a few war scenes that were interesting and he kept from introducing characters till the last few chapters. Here he does the same thing Christian Bale comes in only finally. But look at this story... this is a love story with the the two quoting pretentious lines of poetry to make us understand the 'extent' of love... which does not augur the storyline nor does it define any character... this movie must be watched on dope. Attempting to give some idiotic story and trying to connect it with Pochahontas one more fairytale is even more idiotic.

I would suggest you to not waste your time on the movie if you though The thin red line was too tedious.
If you thought the thin red line was OK, then you could try this movie. Do not get fooled by people writing reviews about how Pochohontas had the power to bring the two people together but in a small way she did but not to a whole extent... no. The Brits were there to rape and loot. They were in the New world to take and not to share. How can one 14 year old girl change all that?

Watch the movie for the music and the visuals.... as usual you get a taste of the local flora and fauna while the characters are reciting poetry... as usual...

Monday, March 06, 2006

Movie Review - Narnia - Episode 1A

Narnia... Chronicles of 4 brats who play hide and seek in another person's house.

How will an adult review a kid's movie? Based on what his kid thinks about the movie ? Or based on the technical value or the factual accuracy of the fairytale it is based on?

  • If you are a parent who wants to take his/her kid ot the movies.. Narnia is a sure endure for you.
  • If you are a bored guy sitting at home.. with nothing to do.. watch Napoleon Dynamite once again.. and dont watch Narnia.
  • If you are a Narnia fanatic who was brought up on that nonsense as a child.. well watch it.. but not for factual accuracy nor technical comeptency.. but for completion sake.
  • If you are someone to whom Narnia is new.. do not expect anythng more that cliched cliches and moral science lessons and some really terrible graphics.. especially whenever the lion comes into the picture..
For me ? Much of the moive went in trying to identify the voice of the lion.. (SPOILER ALERT: it is Liam Neeson.. Roger Ebert tells me).. there that is probably the only thing that would keep you interested in this otherwise idiotic over hyped childish (OK.. it IS for children i agree.. so dont watch it or read it.. or why even bother to write revi

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Movie REview - Aadhi

Aadhi is definitely better than Paramasivan mainly because the director and the script writer have not even attempted to include a semblance of logic in the story. Paramasivan attempted that with disastorous results. Aadhi does not try to cheat you. That to me is a good move for Thamizh Cinema. When Tamil movie public resign to the fact that they are satisfied with and crave for pathetic bullshit like Aadhi... I think it is time for Kamal and other Thamizh movie veterans to stop saying things like "I have full faith in the good taste of the Thamizh movie going public"... and must just stop trying.

The story of Adhi you can say has evolved... and was not created ;-)... Just look at the generations... Is Aadhi the fittest yet ?

Gilli - Guy travels from city to village to bash hoodlums
Madurey - Guy stays in the same town, uses only handkerchief tied around knee as disguise and bashes hoodlums.
Thirupachi - Guy goes from village to city to bash hoodlums up.
Aadhi - Guy comes from Delhi to city to bash hoodlums up.

what next ?
Guy will have to travel to/from "Foreign" or "German"... or "Swiss"... to bash hoodlums in the other place... We will wait for "Bedhi"!!!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Why P Vasu is a redneck


Starring the new... Ajit

Directed by P Vasu

MeesiCk - Visyasagar

The Plot

The script

Us at the end of the movie.

On the whole... Ajit's comeback vehicle...

Ajit.. RIP.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Aaru - Movie Review

the hitman, the doctor, the PM, the chem eng, the architect and the lawyer

A hitman who is also a doctor, lawyer, project manager, a chemical engineer and an architect... wonder how?

Aaru slashes at someone with a sickle... 66 times... and still the guy is alive... doctors are astounded... cannot understand how he had managed to chisel everything except the life out of a wiseguy... hence the living resume theory. 6 has all of the above six qualifications... says the doctor... and the guy in the hospital bed is a living resume.

Six gets six of the 'choicest' abuses thrown at him all the time... the six are dog, saliva, house, eat, servant and salt. And the main henchman played who is the only wiseguy who uses consonants repeats them in random fasion whenever another 'wiseguy' gets 'upped' ('thookidu' in thamizh)... so very often Ashish Vidhyarthi (who BTW is the mouth-piece who cannot lip synch) screams abuses like...
dog eats saliva with salt in house with servant
servant eats dog saliva in house with salt
dog eat house servant without salt or saliva
dog eat house servant with neither salt nor saliva... (you know what has happenned here)
Theoretically there can be 720 unique combinations but the director has touched everyone by having this happen.... well ofcourse 666 times. :-).

There are 6 main wiseguys, and as expected and only one is the front and the rest are at the back.

12 people die. 6 burn to death and the other are slashed to death with rubber sickles.

Six cuts only 3 hands during the entire movie. There is surprisingly little blood.

There are 6 songs, all of them sound the same to me. I read at the theatre bulletin board that there were 6 censor cuts in the movie. I got six of the 'song books' for the price of one outside Devi Theatre. You want one? I give you free ya.

There were only 6 people including me at the theatre.

Monday, January 02, 2006

The Big Lebowski - movie Review

you said it maaan.... Nobody fucks with the Jesus...

Wow I am slamming them tonight... :).

The movie starts with one of the greatest Bob Dylan tracks, which goes,

The man in me will do nearly any task,
And as for compensation, there’s little he would ask.
Take a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.

and ends with Oh !!! what a wonderful feeling.

Thats exactly how you feel after watching this movie. People in these columns have been RAVING about the Coen brothers. They made some great movies together, including Oh Brother, Fargo, The man who wasnt there (one of the most fiendishly conceived plots ever), and Lebowski only adds one more feather to their collective caps.

One sentnce review would be
’’This is the Ultimate feel-good movie of the millenium" a la la la lla lallalllalalalalllalalllalaaalala

The plot:
Who cares ! A mix of some of the greatest characters created and you would be able to enjoy the movie even without a plot.

Lebowski: (Jeff Bridges from Arlington Road and The Contender)

The dude... trite, but then he is the laziest man in Los AnGeles according to Sam Elliot who introduces him to us. Sam Eliot sets the tone of the movie as he rather lazily talks, gruff voiced, (who the dude rather astutely notices... has this ’whole cowboy thing’ going on)... just rambles on and on in his story telling.

More about The Dude (or El Duderino if you arent into the ’whole brevity thing’). Sometimes there is the man for the time.. and sometimes there is just the man.. you are happy there are such people around the place. He is one such guy who,
  • Tastes the milk before he buys it.
  • Survives on a liquid diet that comprises solely of ’White Russian’ (A little mixture of Vodka, Milk, and some Kahlua.. try it... trippy). Now you know why he needs the milk.
  • Wears a beaten down T shirt 2 sizes too short, and walks around in shorts and bathrobe.
  • Lives only for bowling. and NOTHING else.
  • Dude not too dumb, but does not have ONE single thought on his own, and only borrows them.
  • Has this really lazy way of talking that immedietely makes you adore him.
  • His bleeping rug gets peed on... and thus starts the whole saga.
You discover the rest !

Walter Sobchak: (John ’Nam’ Goodman)
  • Viet vet, who compares everything to ’when he was in Nam’.
  • Devout Jew even though he WAS only married to a Jew... and who thinks Sandy Kouffax is one of the highpoints of Jewish culture.
  • Highhanded a-hole who happens to be the dudes bowling partner.
  • Bowling Rules and ’preferred nomenclatures’’ are ALL the issues he knows.
  • Knows exactly what should happen to people who fuck strangers up their ass.
NUff said. ’Everything is a fucking travesty’ with our man.

Donny: (Steve Buscemi)

’’Donny is a good bowler, and a good man. He is one of us.
He is a man who loved the outdoors. And bowling. And as
a surfer, he explored the beaches of Southern California
from La Jolla to Leo Carillo and up to Pismo.... Donny..
who loves bowling, and who was always out of his elements.’’

  • Poor Donny... completely sidelined character in the movie. The only thing Sobchak ever tells his is to ’shut the fuck up’.
  • Donny confuses Lenin with Lennon and thinks "I am the walrus" is probably the most profound statement known to man.
  • Donny is one guy who would NEVER get the point hte first time it is mentioned to him.He keeps ’slamming em’ or ’throwing rocks’ everynight, since bowling by far is the easiest game civilized man can play.
  • The only time he says something of value is when he informs that their next bowling game is on ’’Shomer Shabos’’
  • He does an amazing impressionof a lost child wandering into a room filled with adults discussing politics.

Maude Lebowski: (Juliane Moore... Oh I love the way she pronounces her name)
  • Someone who would eat her young if she so pleases.
  • ’Elitist’ whose passtime is nude painting.. no.. wrong the model isnt the one who is nude, and someone who creates ’vaginal’ art.
  • She talks twice as fast as everyoen else in the movie.
The Big Lebowski:
  • Has the key to the city of Pasadena, has various commendations, honoroary degrees, and has the dubious distinction of having taken a picture with Nancy Reagan was first lady of the nation... not of California.
  • He also happens to be cri.... uhuh handicapped person.
  • Detests people who arent employed. and informs the BUM that the war is lost.....
Now i am rambling on.. watch the movie... These great characters along with, 3 exhausted Nihilists and their girlfriend, a personal ass licker of a secretary, who is so politically correct that he gets on your nerves; Jesus Quintana, a bowler who did community service for exposing himself to 8 year old kids, Jackie Treehorn who is this adult movie produccer, who draws pictures of guys with humungous schlongs, Bunny Lebowski about whose abduction the entire movie is about, a friend of Maude’s with a cleft a-hole, a houseowner whos passtime is to wear tight clothes and dance to classical music (no not ballet), a retarded kid who gets to be interrogated by the Walter.... dont know told tou too much.... enjoy the movie.